This is my fearless political prediction for the year of the Lord, 2025, with my tongue firmly planted. I'll be reviewing my predictions at the end of the year to see if President Trump's America (long may he rule and be ruined!) will still enjoy freedom. of the press.
The fall and rise of Matt Gates
Former Rep. Matt Gaetz (R-FL) will be one of the big stories of 2024, and his legendary story will continue into 2025. The man who was President Donald Trump's first choice for attorney general reluctantly withdrew from consideration after becoming attorney general. House Ethics Committee Allegations of drug-fueled sexual escapades have proven too much for Sin City on the Potomac.
But you can't keep the bad guy down. He began his comeback in early 2025 when he announced he would run for Florida governor in 2026 to replace incumbent Ron DeSantis. Marjorie Taylor Greene (R-Ga.). The popularity of this show sparks a new dance craze that sweeps the universe: the Jewish Space Laser.
Sen. Rick Scott (R-Fla.) was the inspiration for Gaetz's return. Floridians elected Scott to serve two terms as governor and senator, named after the company he led. Colombia/HCAwas fined $1.7 billion Accused by the federal government of fraudulent Medicare and Medicaid billing.
Since then, Mr. Gates's alleged sexual profligacy and affinity for Bolivia's marching gunpowder have paled in comparison.
The new governor quickly turns Miami into a modern-day Sodom and Gomorrah. But his excessive success is short-lived, as a huge tsunami turns his cesspool of corruption into a pillar of salt. But all is not lost. The intensity of climate change brought about by the abolition of the Environmental Protection Agency will ruin Miami, but the desert city of Las Vegas will turn into a humid tropical paradise, and after Mar-a-Lago slowly sinks into the sunset, Donald settle there.
Elon Musk crashes and burns
Elon Musk's appointment as Republican House of Fear mini-majority chairman follows the nominal resignation of Chairman Mike Johnson. Mr. Trump's support temporarily saved the soon-to-be former chairman from a dire situation. But shortly after the vote to defund and shut down the federal government, Mr. Johnson threw up his hands in fear and began working as a lion and tiger trainer for Mr. Trump's MAGA traveling circus, sponsored by Tesla Inc. and Truth Social. He left in disgrace in search of safer pastures.
But Musk's brief tenure as chairman quickly fizzled and came under fire. Not even he could survive the brutal civil war in the Little Republican House of Terror. Trump came to his rescue. The president, who is under house arrest at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, issued an executive order appointing the owner of the site formerly known as Twitter's Trump Commander in Chief. What could go wrong?
battle of greenland
Greenland was the first step in President Trump's grand imperial ambitions for complete world domination. Canada could have been first due to its proximity to the United States. But the new president made his priorities clear: “For purposes of national security and freedom around the world, the United States feels that ownership of Greenland is absolutely necessary.”
The U.S. plan to invade Greenland, codenamed “Whiskey Tango Foxtrot,” seemed simple on paper. But Musk is right about what Prussian military strategist General Helmut von Moltke said in German: “No battle plan survives first contact with the enemy,” or something to that effect. I learned it the hard way.
Of course, the visit to Denmark's sovereign territory signaled the end of the NATO alliance, dear President Trump's long-held dream and the nightmare of the free world.
The brave Danish navy, along with the local Greenlandic independence movement, put aside their differences and joined forces to resist American rule. The joint forces mounted a determined coastal resistance, but ultimately succumbed to Musk's blitzkrieg. This delay gave brave indigenous freedom fighters time and space to fight holding actions inland against American military attacks.
The invasion ultimately became a war of attrition, but the cavalry came to the rescue in the frozen north. In a pre-emptive strike for freedom, Canada and Denmark's Scandinavian neighbors also joined the fight, deploying thousands of cold-hardened troops near the Arctic tundra to support the island's valiant defense of the interior. Sent far away.
Britain and France sympathized with the Danes' plight, but were too busy holding off the Russian forces within sight of the Eiffel Tower surrounding Paris and were unable to assist.
As the conflict escalated, Mr. Musk withdrew American land, navy, and air forces from “safe” theaters such as the Middle East and Far East to fight for the Great White North.
These American reinforcements were aided and abetted by the armies of Russia and North Korea, which had just conquered Ukraine. By wiping out NATO resistance in Western Europe, President Vladimir Putin, with support from President Trump, may soon have the bridge to North America that the warlords have long coveted.
That's all for now! 2025 may be the year of Trump. But for those of you with little faith, there is no need to despair just because it is always darkest before dawn. As Trump loses his grip on American democracy, the announcement of the 2026 midterm election results, in which the Democrats regained legitimate control of the House of Representatives, will cheer you up.
brad bannon He is a national Democratic strategist and CEO of Bannon Communications Research, which conducts polling for Democrats, labor unions, and progressive issues groups. He hosts a popular progressive podcast about power, politics, and policy. Deadline DC with Brad Bannon.
