Dear Abby: A close friend of mine, who’s 50, has just been diagnosed with early Alzheimer’s disease. She still goes about her daily life, driving and managing her banking.
However, she’s lost some of her social awareness and made some comments to me that felt quite harsh. For instance, she remarked on my body (“Your thighs are shockingly thin”) and even about my health (“Are you going to die? My mother had a terrible cough before she passed away”).
It’s been tough for me to keep my anger in check and resist the urge to respond with something mean. I find it hard to move past what she said.
I really don’t want to abandon her, especially since I’ve been caring for my husband with dementia for 17 years, but I also can’t keep wrestling with her rude comments. Any suggestions? – I was humiliated in San Francisco
Dear Insult: If your friend is still capable of managing her life as usual, she can certainly handle being told that her remarks are hurtful.
You don’t have to be confrontational. Just express to her that if she continues with these comments, you might not be around as much.
As her condition progresses, you may have to repeat your boundaries or steer the conversation away from yourself.
Dear Abby: My parents recently found themselves in a bit of a disagreement. My dad noticed my mom looking at an old photo of herself from, well, many years ago (one sent by her cousin). In the photo, she was with some ex-boyfriends and friends, which didn’t sit well with my dad, but my mom thought it was silly to be upset over something from when she was 18 or 19—especially since the picture was from 45 years ago, before they even met.
She reminded him about an old concert photo of him and his ex-wife, but he seemed to deny it, and she wasn’t particularly bothered. Eventually, she said she didn’t regret having the photo, as she had no romantic feelings for my dad now.
To clarify, my parents aren’t legally married—they share a home and split expenses. I’m not sure how to feel about their relationship, and I’d rather not get involved, but both have shared their views with me independently. What should I think? – In the middle of Texas
Dear in the middle: It sounds like your dad isn’t really angry about the old photo itself but more about the fact that your mom no longer has romantic feelings for him.
Also, it’s best for you to step away and not let yourself be caught in the middle. That seems to be what your parents are trying to do.
