How to Do It is Slate’s sex advice column. Have a question? Send it to Jessica and Rich here. It’s anonymous!
Dear How to Do It,
I had assumed that penises don’t really change in size or shape, but I’ve noticed that my husband’s has. It used to be quite straight, but now it’s — well, curving.
This mainly happens when he’s erect. He seems really worried about it. Oddly, though, I find that sex has become way more enjoyable since this change, and a part of me is, um, maybe a little selfishly hoping it’s not something that needs medical attention. Is this just something that some men go through as they age? He’s in his early 50s, after all. Or should he see a urologist?
—Crazy for the Curve
Dear Crazy for the Curve,
Honestly, I think it would be a good idea for your husband to visit a urologist. What he’s experiencing might be Peyronie’s disease, which involves scar tissue forming that leads to a curve in the penis. Age can certainly play a role in this condition’s development. The reasons for its occurrence aren’t always clear; sometimes, it’s believed to be caused by injury, like bending during sex. It can be painful and might worsen with time. While you’re enjoying things now, the curve may not remain as convenient in the future, even if your husband chooses not to seek treatment. Peyronie’s could also cause a reduction in length and girth, plus impact sexual function. You’re having a great experience with him right now, but it’s essential to consider his long-term well-being over that temporary bliss.
Treatments range from medications to injections or traction therapy, which might help address the curve. Surgery is also an option in severe cases. Sure, it’s possible his penis could maintain its current angle indefinitely, but I wouldn’t gamble on that, especially if he’s feeling anxious about it. It’s worth seeking medical advice, particularly considering how this could affect his mental health.
On a brighter note, since you’ve figured out the angle that feels good, you might want to think about getting a curved dildo. You could use it solo, or have him help out. It’s nice when things naturally fit, but it’s also great that we have technology to help fill in those gaps when needed.
—Rich
More Advice From Slate
My partner gave me oral sex the first time we were intimate, but it hasn’t happened again, even though I continue to perform oral on him. When I mentioned it in a joking manner, he brushed it off, saying he’d done it before. During our second encounter, he did it briefly but soon moved on. Now, I’m worried it’s because of how I smell or taste. Should I bring this up with him? Eat healthier? Or is there another approach I should consider?
