My mother-in-law keeps taking my baby for joyrides — is it wrong for me to set boundaries?

Dear Abby

I’m a new mom, and my husband and I have a six-month-old son, “Tyler.” I recently returned to work three days a week. My mom and mother-in-law have both offered to look after him one day each week, and I managed to find a babysitter for the third day.

To show my appreciation, I give both my mom and mother-in-law gift cards to my favorite restaurant since they’re each dedicating a day to help us out. My mom is quite active and much younger than my mother-in-law, who tends to have a different energy level. My mother stays home with Tyler, so she’s available to focus solely on him.

I also asked my mother-in-law to stay home with Tyler during her day, instead of running errands like going to the library or grocery store. I expressed my concerns about how this could disrupt his nap schedule and some logistical challenges since she’s not as physically fit as my mom.

However, Abby, she completely disregarded my request. When I went to pick Tyler up, she wasn’t even at home, and I was livid. This isn’t the first time she’s taken him out while I’d prefer he stay home. My husband has even asked her to stay put as well.

When I finally got Tyler back, I told her, “If you can’t stay home, we need to rethink this arrangement.” Now, my husband’s family is upset with me, claiming that I’m being overly strict. What’s your take on this? – Missouri’s new mom

Dear Mom

It sounds like your mother-in-law isn’t respecting your wishes about how to care for your baby, so you’re considering finding alternative childcare on her day. You’re not being “too strict”; you’re prioritizing your child’s wellbeing, which is essential. Motherhood can be challenging, and it’s okay to set boundaries.

Dear Abby

I have a friend who is a talented chef. I, on the other hand, am still learning. She’s very generous and often shares her culinary creations, but whenever I try to share my own dishes, she tends to critique them, saying things like, “Adding an onion would really help” or “Wow, you used chili powder!”

After some thought, I decided to invite her over for lunch so we could compare notes. During our meal, she might say something like, “This sauce tastes store-bought, whereas mine is much better,” or “I’ve refined my sister’s recipe; maybe I should share it with the chef.” Honestly, I’m a bit weary of her habit of judging my cooking. Her comments tend to spoil my enjoyment, especially when we’re dining out. Is there a way to address this? – It’s in Texas