Dear Abby

Dear Abby: My step-sister is enabling her alcoholic husband. He has a health issue that makes it hard for him to walk. He often collapses and struggles to use the bathroom. With his heavy drinking—about a fifth of vodka every couple of days—he can’t even get the surgery he needs.

My sister-in-law buys his alcohol. She claims that if she doesn’t, he’ll drive himself and put others at risk. She’s reached out to his doctors, friends, family, and even priests, but he refuses to listen or seek help. Caring for him is taking a toll on her. He really needs to be treated for his addiction in a medical facility.

In an effort to support her, I took her to an Al-Anon meeting, but she found it “boring.” I’ve come to realize this situation is beyond my control, and I struggle to empathize when she vents about it. What should I do? – Sister-in-law of the enabler

Dear Sister-in-law: Your step-sister certainly needs help. While I often refer people to Alcoholics Anonymous and Al-Anon, another option is called Smart Recovery. It’s a platform for loved ones of those battling addiction to find understanding and strategies to reclaim their lives. She could check out smartrecovery.org/family for support groups. If she gives it a try, it might resonate better with her.

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Dear Abby: I’m a 60-year-old retired woman with a positive outlook on marriage. I stay active and keep up with current events.

Recently, I’ve noticed that many of my friends only seem interested in talking about themselves. I was raised to believe conversations should involve both parties. However, during our meals, they go on and on about their lives and people I don’t know. It’s typically only at the end when they ask, “How are you?”

This feels quite rude to me. Is it too much to expect some balance in conversation? How can I handle these longtime friends without getting annoyed? – Patient listener in New York

Dear Listener: It’s possible that friends who predominantly talk about themselves do so because their social circles have shrunk. Try to really listen to their stories next time. If that doesn’t work for you, it might be a good idea to expand your social network and engage with people who share your interests.