Dear Abby’s Advice Column

Dear Abby: My husband and I have been happily married for 16 years. We truly enjoy our time together at home. However, for about the last year, I’ve been having more and more trouble understanding him. He tends to sit in his chair and mumble, sometimes to the point that I’m not sure if he’s talking to me or just to himself. He even tries to chat with me from another room, often with his back turned or when I’m running water. I’ve asked him several times to speak more clearly or in a different way, but he refuses. His excuse is that he doesn’t like to “scream,” claiming it bothers others.

I’ve had my hearing evaluated by a professional and, thankfully, it’s perfectly fine—no changes since my younger years. Yet he still won’t raise his voice! Most of the time, I only engage with him when we’re in the same room and facing each other. Often, he forgets what he said, which can frustrate me. How can I help him understand that it’s not just about what he thinks he should say? – Out of Illinois

Dear: It sounds like you’ve already communicated to your husband that you struggle to hear him unless he addresses you directly. Perhaps if he made an effort to do so, he might realize how frustrating it could be for you. It’s a bit inconsiderate for him to dismiss your needs without attempting to adjust. (Could he be losing his hearing, or does he just not pay attention when you speak?) Regardless of the reason for your communication breakdown, it may help to reassure him about your hearing. If he needs it reiterated, consider bringing in a neutral third party to help relay that message.

Dear Abby: I’m a 37-year-old man, and I have a friend named Kim who lives out of state. We’re not in a romantic relationship, but I care a lot about her. Lately, I’ve found that past traumas from previous relationships have started to affect our friendship negatively. My trust issues have led to problems with my long-distance friendships. (We used to live near each other, but I relocated.)

Currently, Kim and I aren’t talking, and I sometimes worry whether we’ll communicate again. This situation has impacted other friendships as well. I want to change things and not let my past damage my relationships further, especially with Kim. What should I do? – Injured in Wyoming

Dear Injury: Speaking to a licensed mental health professional could be beneficial in helping you lower your defenses and prevent losing more friends. For any former friends who haven’t blocked you, a sincere explanation and apology might help mend those connections. Regarding Kim, expressing how much you value her friendship could open the door to resuming communication. Perhaps writing her a letter sharing those feelings would be a good starting point.