Dear Abby
My husband and I are in our 50s. Lately, I’ve been having some issues with my mom. She constantly wants to know how much I earn each year and how much my husband makes. In the two decades we’ve been married, we’ve never borrowed money from our parents or anyone else. We’ve always worked hard and managed our finances to take care of our family.
Since my dad has passed, it seems my mom is overly interested in our financial situation. She claims she wants to be closer to me, but that involves sharing, well, what I think should be private between my husband and me. I really feel like this isn’t her business. To quiet her down—there’s no better phrase for it—I’ll often just give her a fabricated number. Our financial status doesn’t define our relationship with her.
Is it wrong to think this is a private matter between my husband and me? I get the sense that Mom is overstepping her boundaries. Would she ask her friends how much they and their spouses make in a month to connect with them? What do you think? – That’s my business
Dear “Business”: This email is quite emotionally charged! You made a mistake by not being honest with your mother about your finances. I assume you’ve discussed the issues you have with her with your husband. Next time she pressures you for that personal financial info, you should let her know it’s a conversation meant for just you and him. If she insists on knowing your financial situation, assure her that you are fine, then ask her why she feels the need to know. The rest of it? Not her concern.
Dear Abby: A few days a week, when I don’t have any plans, I tend to stay in my pajamas. They feel great, and I don’t see why I should dirty clean clothes just to use more laundry and soap. But the older folks tell me I should dress daily. There’s really no issue with me; I shower regularly, and I wash my pajamas and other clothes to keep my space tidy. I’m not being lazy—it’s just that I don’t find much value in dressing up for the sake of it. I’m really hoping people won’t dictate how I should live my life. What do you think? – It’s comfortable in Wisconsin
Dear Comfort: My mother used to say that when people put in the effort to look their best, it boosts their confidence. She wasn’t wrong. She also mentioned that if I didn’t make that effort, I might miss out on meeting people I wanted to attract. (Unfortunately, that’s true.) Perhaps that’s the message these folks are trying to get across. But honestly, wearing pajamas at home a few days a week? I can’t disagree with you there.
