Dear Abby: My dad, who is retired, has always been incredibly generous, often putting others’ needs before his own. Whenever he meets someone struggling, he tends to lend a hand, giving away his time and resources without expecting anything in return.
This was a significant issue when my parents were together, though, especially since he used to give away money meant for necessities, like groceries, to others who often didn’t return it.
Now, he’s living on a fixed income and can’t afford to lose what little he has left.
Recently, he’s been quietly helping a family living above him, even paying their rent, buying groceries, and covering their car repairs.
To manage his expenses, he’s racked up debt on a credit card and is struggling to make ends meet. He doesn’t seem to grasp that by helping his neighbor, he risks his own living situation. I can assist him this month, but I’m not sure how to help him in the long term.
When I give him money, it usually ends up going right back to someone in need. We’ve tried making a budget, but he just ignores it. He’s sought financial counseling a few times, which only seems to work temporarily until he encounters someone else in distress. He often volunteers at shelters and meets many people in need there. I don’t want him to end up in a shelter himself, but I really need some guidance on how to assist him. – Help Mississippi Helpers
Dear Help: I suggest reaching out to an attorney experienced in elder law to discuss your concerns. Your father might require an advocate who can ensure his rent is paid and his basic needs met. Ideally, that could be you, but if that’s not feasible, someone might need to step in. Given the circumstances you’ve detailed, it may be necessary for him to have additional support.
Dear Abby: I travel internationally with a small group of women, and one member handles our accommodation arrangements. Once we agree on a place, she books it, and we each pay our share while booking our own flights.
I had to cancel my participation in a recent trip due to illness and informed the group three months in advance. When I requested a refund for my share of the accommodation and car rental, which totaled nearly $800, they refused, stating their expenses had exceeded expectations. They seem to struggle to understand that my payment is now essentially subsidizing their trip. Am I being unreasonable? – I’m home to the east
Dear Stay: You’re not being unreasonable; rather, it seems you’re being taken advantage of. This might be a good moment to reflect on whether you want to continue traveling with this group. Meanwhile, if you know someone who loves to travel and has the funds, consider offering them your spot so you can recoup your money and perhaps even take a trip elsewhere.
Dear Abby was created by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips.
