Dear Abby
I’m a man who lost his wife 11 months ago. Recently, I connected with a woman on a dating site, and we hit it off immediately. We’ve spent several months getting to know each other, but it’s a long-distance relationship.
She lives about three hours away. While she lists her status as “separated for two years” on dating platforms, she still resides in the house she shares with her husband. Although she’s recently filed for divorce, it seems like it might take a while to finalize. I asked her why she hasn’t left yet to focus on her mental health, and she mentioned something about it being a financial risk.
Her husband is emotionally abusive, and I can’t help but wonder if she genuinely plans to go through with the separation. Frankly, our relationship isn’t fulfilling my needs. I’m not sure I can wait for promises that may never materialize.
The thing is, I’ve fallen for her. How do I transition into a relationship that truly supports me and meets my needs? I’m used to sharing my bed at night, and being alone for a week is taking a toll on me. What should I do? – Bidding time in New Jersey
Dear Bidding: It sounds like you’ve been a widow for only a short time and are emotionally invested in someone who may not be available. While I can’t speak to the specifics of her marriage, I’m curious if she’s really taken steps to end it.
As you pointed out, this relationship isn’t fulfilling, so it might be time to move on and find someone local who can engage at a deeper level. I imagine there are plenty of worthy candidates out there.
Dear Abby: I’ve been married for six to eight years. My husband is kind-hearted and knows how to ground me when I’m feeling overwhelmed. I love him dearly, but I struggle with my attraction to him due to his lack of ambition. I’m the type who believes in chasing dreams and working hard; it’s hard for me to reconcile with his seemingly lazy approach to life.
When he has free time, he often naps, plays video games, or watches movies. It’s rare for him to choose something productive like exercising, learning, or starting a side project. We really need more income. How can I express my feelings to him without sparking a major conflict or hurting his feelings? – Disappointed in Idaho
Dear Disappoint: Your husband has wonderful qualities, but keeping your feelings bottled up may lead to a future blow-up where you vent your frustration inappropriately.
When you share your feelings calmly and openly, you’re more likely to reach a compromise. If that’s not possible, you might need to come to terms with each other’s differences.
