This week’s discussion targets those under 40, mainly Millennials and Gen Z. I know, I know—at 51, I’m not exactly the voice they want to hear. So, for those of you with younger folks around, you might want to sneak this in somewhere, perhaps mixed in with their Ovaltine.
If I had the savvy to market this effectively, I’d call it a “Guide to Adulthood.” But honestly, using terms like “adult” feels overly simplistic and a bit silly—like we should have stopped using them long ago.
You might imagine this collection was the result of a collaboration between two lively crews and a bunch of Cockney orphans from a Charles Dickens novel.
What Does 17 Even Mean?
We’re currently experiencing a strange trend of infantilization. People who are technically adults only in age seem to possess the hearts and minds of teenagers. And trust me, it isn’t just “business as usual.” I’m not repeating the tired clichés of older generations. Historically, before the Millennials, adults didn’t indulge in the kind of immature behavior that appears so celebrated today.
Fast forward to 2025, and the average 35-year-old will have interests, habits, and outlooks reminiscent of a 17-year-old from my own teen years. They’ll rally around comic book characters and chuckle over Stanley-branded water bottles and overly decorated acrylic nails, like a gaggle of middle school girls.
Anyway, let’s dive in.
Fashion Faux Pas
Fifteen years ago, I hired a bright 24-year-old named “Olga” as a secretary. She’s been a fantastic asset to our team, but let me tell you, I nearly let her go on her first day. She walked in wearing a crop top that left nothing to the imagination and jeans so low, you might think she was in a fashion spread.
“This isn’t office wear. This is club gear!” I told her, flabbergasted. Her mother, too focused on looking young, never set down any rules for professional attire.
Guidelines for Young Women:
- Avoid excessive cleavage—if there’s any at all, keep it minimal.
- Tone down the makeup. Seriously, skip the false eyelashes during the day; it screams “evening wear.”
- Trim those long acrylic nails. Keep them neat and classic—a French manicure works best.
Guidelines for Young Men:
- Don’t dye your hair for fun or to cover grays. It gives off the impression of instability.
- Whether clean-shaven or sporting a beard, keep it tidy. No extravagant mustaches or wild hair hanging out.
- Please, wash your hair regularly—that needs repeating.
- Ponytails? Not allowed. Aim for short, clean haircuts. You could go for something vintage like a pompadour, but make it neat.
- Wear jeans that fit well—no sagging. Tuck in your shirt, too.
- Leave the jewelry at home, except for what’s meaningful. You really don’t need a single diamond earring to make a statement.
It’s all about grooming and attire. Now, moving on to how you communicate.
Speech Matters
If you’ve been around long enough, you’d notice America sounds different now. Even newscasters are beginning to understand how juvenile they often come across. Back in my day, I was teased for my regional accent, but I consciously shifted to a more neutral tone to avoid stereotypes.
This change helped me on two fronts. First, it allowed my appearance to match my intentions. Speaking improperly can lead others to judge you harshly, and when you sound less refined, others perceive you that way.
Also, today, many young people are adopting accents and speech patterns that seem rooted in lower socioeconomic backgrounds. Some think this sounds “street” or “cool.” But in reality, it can come off as uneducated or lacking maturity.
I aimed to speak clearly and respectfully to connect with adults. Unfortunately, a lot of young folks today are more absorbed in fitting in than articulating well.
Cut these out of your vocabulary:
- Use “super” instead of “very.” Actually, just eliminate “very” altogether.
Pronunciation Problems
It’s time to correct some common mispronunciations. One irritating trend is the glottal stop, particularly amplified among those under 40. You might believe this speech pattern is a product of some fictional group of characters, but trust me, it’s all too real. If you’re lost, check out a clip on glottal closure.
When I was in school, only kids from less educated families omitted certain sounds. It’s “button,” not “boo-in.” It’s “important,” not “im-poh-tant.” That’s just how it is.
- Say “kitten” instead of “kihen.”
- It’s “mountain,” not “maun-wun.”
And please remember to pronounce your “G’s.” It’s “swim,” not “swim.”
Manners Matter
It doesn’t matter where you go—many adults today could use a refresher in basic etiquette. Sadly, a lack of manners is often a result of inadequate parenting.
Key Reminders:
- Make eye contact while talking. Avoid staring at your phone or the ground.
- Don’t give “the blank stare.” It’s awkward and suggests you don’t know how to engage.
- Respond when someone greets you. When asked, “How are you?” reply with, “I’m well. And you?” It’s simple.
- When making a phone call, identify yourself first. Avoid jumping straight to, “Is Josh there?”
- When someone thanks you, always respond, “You’re welcome,” instead of “no problem” or “no worries.”
The Pitch Problem
Take note of your tone and pitch. This trend started with volleyball players in the ’80s, and now it seems everyone, regardless of gender, communicates this way—where remarks sound like questions due to upward inflection.
It’s exhausting, and frankly, makes you appear uncertain or manipulative. Just recall how serious figures like Margaret Thatcher adjusted their speaking manner to be taken more seriously.
That’s the lesson for today. And remember, Keisha and Valerie, clean the board afterward. Everyone else can close up and head out.
