Advice on Navigating Political Friendships
The New York Times Magazine’s “Ethicist” column offers thoughts on handling friendships amidst political divides, particularly focusing on a reader’s struggles with a friend living in a conservative town. This friend is, interestingly, married to a Trump supporter. The columnist, Kwame Anthony Appiah, advises approaching such situations with empathy.
An anonymous reader reached out, sharing a personal narrative. He is an HIV-positive gay man actively protesting political issues. He lives in a mostly Trump-supporting small town and feels distressed about the country’s direction. His liberal friend, who regularly contacts him about her own distress over current politics, is in a rather different situation. The reader expressed concern for others who may not have the same privilege as he does.
Family tensions stemming from political beliefs can be deeply impactful, according to experts. The reader voiced frustration about friends who seem inactive in political discourse, relying instead on social media for expression. “She appears content with her life and unwilling to create change, which feels hypocritical to me,” he wrote. He struggles with maintaining friendships under these conditions.
The ethicist highlighted that, in larger cities, being part of protests feels relatively harmless—perhaps “as casual as an ice cream gathering.” However, for someone in a politically homogeneous small town, the consequences of participating in protests can be much more daunting. Appiah noted that the same people who attend protests often share small-town life with the protestors, leading to potential ostracization.
In response to the reader’s comments on hypocrisy, Appiah reflected on the different stakes involved in their lives. He explained that hypocrisy implies a disconnect in one’s beliefs. The friend’s reluctance to express her views could stem from real-life implications, especially being married to someone with opposing views.
While the reader emphasized that apathy has led to current issues, Appiah proposed that sometimes a lack of understanding or empathy could be at play. He referenced political scientists exploring how perceptions of contempt from urban areas might fuel rural resentment.
Ultimately, he suggested a need for self-reflection. Maybe it’s not the reader’s friend who needs reassessing, but rather the reader’s approach to their friendship. He cautioned against a lack of empathy: the small-town friend might be navigating her circumstances more carefully than the reader realizes. Perhaps the real question is whether the reader should maintain a relationship with someone who doesn’t see the bigger picture.
This sentiment resonates in ongoing discussions about political divisions, which have been topics in previous columns, including family dynamics influenced by differing political views and the ramifications of extreme political outcomes.
