Dear Abby: I’m a bit embarrassed to be writing this. When I order fast food, my husband insists that I know the price of each item. If it varies from what’s listed online, he gets really upset. I totally get that prices can change given the current economy.
One time, there was a $5 difference, and instead of addressing it calmly, we ended up having a heated argument. He threw his hands up and said, “Forget it!” I ended up calling back to say he wasn’t interested anymore.
It’s hard to ignore that these restaurants are usually packed and struggling. I don’t think it’s fair to put more pressure on the staff. Plus, I had a stroke that affects my ability to do quick math in my head. I wouldn’t order if I didn’t have the money.
I tried to bring up our differing views on this, but he just accused me of wanting to be right. After over 40 years together, you’d think we could work this out.
He grew up poor, but we’re not in that situation anymore. What really bothers me is how controlling he is about things. His go-to response to my complaints is always, “Why don’t you leave?”
I believe he reads your column, so maybe this could reach him. I’m genuinely exhausted and feel that his behavior is both emotionally abusive and controlling.
At 64, he should have matured by now, but it seems he hasn’t. I’m reaching out for help. — Takeout in Ohio
For takeout: Your husband should be the one ordering fast food from now on. If you want to work together, you could write down the prices and let him handle the math.
Unless he controls other parts of your relationship, his comments about leaving aren’t constructive. If money is the core issue, remind him that divorce will be pricier than marriage counseling. Maybe consider a referral from your doctor.
Dear Abby: I enjoy your column and read it often, but I felt the need to respond to the letter from “Unfortunate People of the Midwest” (June 11).
I think you didn’t address the letter from the mother of a transgender adult thoroughly enough, especially concerning a new colleague making fun of transgender individuals in front of her and possibly others.
This kind of behavior is unacceptable in the workplace, and any further incidents should definitely be reported to management or HR. She is not obligated to reveal her personal circumstances. — Kevin H. in California.
Dear Kevin: Thanks for your letter! The feedback I received regarding that letter was quite useful.
Many readers pointed out that the term I used for transgender individuals, “gender dysphoria,” has become outdated. With the release of the DSM-5 by the American Psychiatric Association, it was replaced with a clearer phrase that distinguishes gender nonconformity from a disorder. I should have been more informed. My apologies for that.
— Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips
