Dear Abby: Trouble with Sister

I’m facing some issues with my sister, who visits me about once a month from four hours away. She usually brings her husband and a friend along. They’ve been my only visitors, and while I used to look forward to their time together, that’s changed. After their visits, things start to go missing from my home—random items like hairbrushes, my dog’s electric nail file, dishes, mousetraps, packs of laundry detergent, and even some crafting supplies.

One time, I hid a pack of laundry detergent, and she found it. When I confronted her, she denied taking it and insisted I was wrong to accuse her. When I mentioned some missing beads, she acted like she had no clue what I was talking about.

After that confrontation, I didn’t see her for about three months. We managed to mend things, but then the stealing happened again! Her husband seems to be aware of it. I tried setting up a trap for her friend once, but she didn’t take anything. My sister used to bring her dirty laundry to wash at my place to save water and electricity, but I put an end to that. What should I do now? — Disappearance Acts in New Mexico

Dear Missing Act:

As long as your sister’s friend is doing fine, it seems like the issue lies with your sister. Has she always had a carefree attitude, or has she begun to act differently lately? If this is a recent change, it might be worth discussing your concerns with her husband.

You might also want to consider suggesting a neurological check-up for your sister, just to rule out any cognitive issues like dementia. If that turns out fine, she could be dealing with kleptomania, a condition where individuals grapple with an uncontrollable urge to steal. The first step toward helping her would be acknowledging there’s a problem.

Dear Abby: Granddaughter’s Disappointment

My husband and I are having some challenges regarding our 12-year-old granddaughter. Earlier this year, she celebrated her birthday in a significant way. The other grandparents offered her a choice between $100 or a night in a hotel with a pool, and she chose the hotel option. Now, it’s been some months, and there’s no plan set for the hotel stay. The other grandparents are busy and have chaotic lives, which adds to the situation. Our granddaughter expressed that she feels hurt, disappointed, and somewhat angry. We had a good chat about it, and I think she understands that time can slip away quickly for adults.

Meanwhile, we’re considering slipping a $100 bill under her pillow to help her feel better about her other grandparents. I’m unsure if that’s a good idea or if we should just let it be. We’re not at fault here, but seeing her disappointed breaks my heart. What do you think? — Grandma knows best

Dear Grandma:

You both are wonderful people, and I understand the urge to make up for what the other grandparents did. However, I believe it’s important not to intervene. Your granddaughter has every right to feel disappointed, but she also needs to learn that sometimes promises aren’t kept. This experience, while painful now, might help her understand the complexities of adult life as she grows older.