Dear Abby

My husband and I just hit our two-year anniversary. Generally, we’re happy together—he’s like the best friend I’ve ever had. But there’s an issue with his family. They’re great people who have welcomed me warmly, but they’re also quite stubborn and don’t seem to understand boundaries.

We recently moved to a bigger place, which is closer to them but further from my own family. Now that we’re nearby, they tend to drop by without calling, often at the worst times, like when I’m trying to prepare dinner. His mother frequently insists that we value our privacy and aren’t inclined to socialize. Yet, she continues to push for gatherings at our home and even talks about wanting to build a pool, despite our clear refusals.

And here’s the thing, Abby: when one family member comes over, it’s almost guaranteed that several more will soon follow. I remember when my family visited the new house. They’d barely settled in when his entire clan—cousins, aunts, you name it—came storming in. It turned into such a frenzy that my family couldn’t even get a good look around, let alone enjoy a visit. I really need your advice on how to handle this. — lost in alabama

Response: It seems that when you married your husband, you became part of a larger family unit. From their perspective, your family is now entwined with theirs. What you need is a better sense of privacy and clearer boundaries than what currently exists. It might be worthwhile to ask your husband to help communicate this in a way that won’t upset anyone.

Another Reader’s Concern

I’ve been in a relationship with my girlfriend for over 25 years. We’ve never tied the knot for various reasons. She’s in her 60s, and I’m 13 years her junior. Unfortunately, our sex life has pretty much vanished—what can I do to reignite that spark? We still share a bedroom, but that’s really the extent of it.

I’m not unattractive or in bad shape, so is there any hope for us to improve our intimacy? Everything seems to be functioning fine on my end, and I definitely don’t want to resort to cheating, given the health risks involved. Any suggestions? — Ready and willing in Arizona

Response:

It seems crucial for you and your girlfriend to have an open conversation about the current state of your sex life. It’s important to find out if there’s any underlying issue causing her disinterest. If she’s experiencing discomfort, talking to her gynecologist could lead to possible treatments. If it’s more about a lack of interest, consulting a doctor for a referral to an endocrinologist might help address potential hormonal imbalances.