Letter to Abby: Leaving an Abusive Relationship
Dear Abby: I recently ended a verbally and physically abusive relationship. I struggle with a mental illness, and being with ‘Scott’ has exacerbated my condition. We shared nearly four years together. You might think I should have known better than to live with him, but he is an alcoholic and a narcissist, with traits of bipolar disorder and sociopathy. He pretends to be a devout man. During our time together, Scott often kicked me out, knowing I had no other place to go. The last instance was five months ago.
Despite everything, I still have feelings for him. Recently, I discovered he met someone at Alcoholics Anonymous and took her in. She had been living with him until just yesterday. Up until two weeks ago, we were still in some sort of relationship, though it was entirely non-romantic. I’m conflicted about him. He deeply affected my sense of self.
Scott has a troubling history, including a prior conviction for harming an animal while living with someone. I found it hard to leave him because of his charm. Currently, I’m staying with a friend and have started seeing a psychiatrist and a therapist, but their help feels insufficient. We were engaged and had plans to marry, particularly if he managed to stay sober for a year, which he didn’t. I’m at a loss for what to do. Please advise me. — Broken Wings of Minnesota
Dear Broken Wings: As I read your letter, I thought of Cole Porter’s song “So in Love.” The lyrics resonate with your situation. If what you’ve described is accurate, your best path forward is to continue therapy and possibly consider medication to help you detach from someone who’s unable to genuinely love anyone. Until you achieve that, I fear your story isn’t headed for a happy conclusion.
Letter to Abby: Comments about Weight
Dear Abby: I’m a 66-year-old woman, married with two daughters. At 5’2″ and 108 pounds, I’m accustomed to my size. Yet, at every family gathering with my in-laws, someone always says I need to gain weight. It’s as rude as it sounds, and I find their comments offensive. I’m not suggesting they lose any weight themselves.
I can’t change my size due to genetics, metabolism, or any other factors, and I’m tired of these remarks. They’ve known me for almost 40 years, and I’ve always been this way. I’m unsure how to respond. At this point, I’m over being polite. — Just a Bit
Dear Just a Bit: If you really don’t mind upsetting them, it’s time to be straightforward. Let your in-laws know you’ve endured their comments for far too long, and you want them to stop. If they call you overly sensitive, ask how they would feel if you said they needed to lose weight or that their cologne smells terrible. When the laughter dies down, you’ll likely find the courage to speak up.
