Reflections on a Year Full of Humor and Irony

This year has certainly delivered some comedic moments, mainly thanks to the various characters and situations that have made my job a bit easier. Here’s a random collection of things I’m feeling thankful for, along with a few that I’m less enthusiastic about.

• President Trump took part in the traditional turkey pardon ceremony this year. Interestingly, the turkeys Biden pardoned last year have reportedly been re-arrested multiple times on felony charges, currently being held on cashless bail in D.C.
• Thanksgiving meal expenses rose by 19% last year, coinciding with a heated presidential race over preferences for turkey or fruitcake. This year, prices appear to have decreased between 3% and 25% during Trump’s administration.

To be fair, costs weren’t excessively high during Biden’s time. I mean, if you can get past the security guard, there’s a chance to snag a free turkey at Publix.

• Despite what some might say about Trump addressing the Gaza conflict, the progressive side continues to advocate for a two-state solution for Palestinians. It seems they already have three states: Michigan, New York, and Minnesota.
• In Minnesota, Trump is pushing to eliminate Temporary Protected Status for certain criminals in the Somali community, claiming they’re involved in “money laundering” related to federal programs. Governor Walz aims to assist them by facilitating a one-way flight from Minneapolis to the Pentagon.
• Currently, I’m diving into Ken Burns’ documentary about America’s founding, American Revolution. Inspired by this, I plan to celebrate Thanksgiving in a traditional manner—inviting friends for a big meal and possibly visiting some Native American lands.
• It seems Nancy Pelosi and Marjorie Taylor Greene will retire comfortably thanks to their stock investments while in Congress. Pelosi intends to spend her time at her Napa winery. As for what wine to serve at Thanksgiving? “We want our land back,” perhaps.
• Back in the 1600s, the Pilgrims introduced firearms, squash, and corn cultivation to Native Americans. Nowadays, some slot machines only offer a 94% payout. Thanks for the good times.
• Chicago’s Mayor Brandon Johnson defends spending $15 million on travel for their school system, even as only 30% of students are proficient in reading. He criticized the deployment of the National Guard in Chicago, suggesting if there were disasters or riots in other areas, he’d be sending help for looting.
• Mamdani surprisingly had a friendly encounter with Trump, disappointing both political sides. Republicans were frustrated that Trump didn’t deport him, while leftists expressed their discontent that Trump wasn’t somehow punished.
• More woes for the Royals: Prince Andrew has been further demoted due to his connection with Jeffrey Epstein, losing his driver and now driving himself. However, he’s apparently hesitant about starting his car after a recent incident. Former princes Andrew and Harry have even been offered helicopter pilot jobs on the Ukraine front by King Charles.
• The government shutdown went largely unnoticed, causing Democrats to express distress. They fear if the government isn’t funded, vital services like the NIH and FBI might halt. Frankly, you convinced me to “shut down” long before this.

Taylor Swift seems to be the Yoko Ono of NFL winners. The Chiefs no longer resemble their former glory, losing titles almost as quickly as Princes Harry and Andrew combined.

• Thanksgiving began with a hiccup as a dismissed air traffic controller messed up travel plans during an already tense political climate. With many flights canceled, it aimed to be the most peaceful family gathering since the Pilgrims arrived.
• Fortunately, Kamala and Joe are out of the picture. While Kamala was busy on her book tour, Biden took up a role as a bingo commentator at a retirement community.
• Pew Research found that although 60% of families agree to avoid political discussions at Thanksgiving, squabbles still arise over board game cheating and which TV channel to watch (Fox vs. CNN). In recent years, federal authorities have even raided dinners due to COVID concerns. Is anyone aware if these measures are still in place or if I need to book one?