The Struggle of Fitness: A Personal Journey
George Mycock’s commitment to fitness reached an extreme level.
The 22-year-old was obsessed with avoiding body fat while trying to build muscle. His dietary tracking became meticulous—he was even weighing his lettuce leaves. And as for exercise? He was working out excessively.
“If I cut my regimen in half, I’d still probably be exercising as much as anyone I knew at the gym,” Mycock reflected.
Despite his relentless efforts, he often felt inadequate. Instead of feeling accomplished, he struggled with a sense of failure, believing he lacked the discipline and character to meet his constantly shifting fitness goals. This led to feelings of worthlessness.
Gradually, he distanced himself from friends at university, convinced they would be better off without him. During this turbulent period, he experienced suicidal thoughts, until a friend unexpectedly visited him.
This moment became a turning point for him.
“At the time, I didn’t fully grasp that it was tied to my body or eating habits. I just knew I felt miserable and thought I was a pathetic loser. But she encouraged me to seek help.”
Although Mycock has never received an official diagnosis, he’s learned to recognize his struggles as muscle dysmorphia, a condition also referred to as “bigorexia.” Now, as a researcher and doctoral student at the University of Worcester in the UK, he is more informed about the issue.
“Muscle dysmorphia is characterized by an obsession with becoming muscular,” explained Dr. Jason Nagata, an associate professor at the University of California, San Francisco School of Medicine. He recently published a review on this condition.
The condition, often overlooked, can manifest in behaviors that are sometimes celebrated by society. Yet, as Mycock pointed out, it represents a serious mental health concern.
Symptoms may include intense exercise routines, an unrealistic fear of being “scrawny,” and the possible use of performance-enhancing drugs.
Muscle dysmorphia is often mistaken as an issue only affecting thin, young women, but it can affect anyone. It’s sometimes hard to recognize since it may mirror behaviors society typically admires.
Many, especially young men, find camaraderie and joy at the gym, but occasionally the pursuit can escalate to unhealthy levels.
For those with muscle dysmorphia, the anticipation of working out can turn into a sense of obligation. Missing a session may evoke anxiety, and the desire to build muscle can overshadow other commitments like work, school, or social activities. Nagata also highlighted that individuals might withdraw from gatherings due to concerns about their physical appearance.
The overwhelming focus on exercise does carry repercussions.
Muscle dysmorphia has been linked to increased risks of depression, anxiety, substance misuse, and, in some cases, thoughts of suicide, Nagata stated. Additionally, the use of performance-enhancing substances such as anabolic steroids could lead to neurological issues, including irritability and aggression. Overexercising can also result in physical injuries to muscles or joints.
It can be challenging to pinpoint when the quest for muscle becomes a disorder. Many people feel societal pressure regarding physical appearance regarding social standing and dating, according to Dr. Kyle Ganson from the University of Toronto.
Boys and young men face unique pressures regarding their bodies, increasing their susceptibility to muscle dysmorphia.
Activities like weightlifting and bodybuilding further elevate the risk, according to Nagata.
Mycock’s fitness struggle began back at 13 when he injured his spine while playing rugby and spent a year recovering. Upon returning to school, he noticed a shift in how peers interacted with him. Suddenly, those who had previously conversed with him while he was more muscular seemed distant.
Interestingly, when he attempted to lose weight, he received positive feedback, even prompting a joking comment from his back surgeon about teaching others how to do it.
His connection to fitness was deeply intertwined with his identity as an athlete and notions of masculinity.
The fitness influencers he followed propagated the idea that anyone could achieve the ideal masculine physique through sheer determination and discipline.
However, the stricter Mycock became with his body management, the further his goals seemed to drift away.
This phenomenon is exacerbated by social media’s influence on body image and muscle dissatisfaction, Nagata explained.
When Mycock failed to attain the elusive ideal of a masculine body, he internalized feelings of inadequacy.
There’s still much to learn about muscle dysmorphia, although research on its prevalence remains limited. Two studies in Australia and North America suggest that approximately 2% to 3% of boys may fit the criteria for muscle dysmorphia.
A contributing factor to the lack of data is that those affected often integrate gym and muscle-building into their lives to such an extent that they rarely seek external help.
Finding effective treatment is complex, as symptoms can overlap with body dysmorphic disorder and disordered eating. Certain dietary practices, like bulking and cutting, can also enter unhealthy territory.
Cognitive behavioral therapy may serve as a primary approach, while family-based programs similar to those used for adolescent eating disorders might offer additional benefits.
As a whole, individuals concerned about potential muscle dysmorphia should definitely consider reaching out to a professional.
A therapist or healthcare provider could be an ideal starting point.
It’s best for support to come from an interdisciplinary team that includes mental health, medical, and nutrition professionals, as Nagata advised.
Recovery from muscle dysmorphia is rarely a smooth journey.
These days, Mycock manages to eat and work out in a way that feels balanced and healthy, though body image still requires some consideration.
He occasionally grapples with insecurity, but counseling has enabled him not to base his identity solely on his physical appearance.
His counselor has guided him toward a healthier perspective, where his body is just one aspect of his life.
