Care and Feeding Advice Column

Dear Care and Feeding,

When I was 14, my parents kicked me out due to my drug use and risky behaviors. A few days later, my uncle, who really was a bit of a wild card, found me after searching the town for me. He took me in, showed me love, and helped me get my life on track, even paying for my college.

After his passing, I felt a significant loss. He left me the house I grew up in, quite a bit of money, and a business. Now, suddenly, my parents and brothers, whom I haven’t spoken to in nearly twenty years, are trying to reconnect. It’s bittersweet—I’ve longed for my family, but I can’t help but feel they’re only interested now because of my inheritance. Is there a chance for real reconciliation? Or am I fooling myself to think they could genuinely want me back in their lives?

—Misspent Youth

Dear Misspent Youth,

You’re not foolish for wishing for your family to be part of your life again, nor is it naïve to think they might care about you. Families, especially when facing issues like addiction, often grapple with whether to offer support or enforce tough love. It seems your parents chose the latter. Their decision, while flawed, doesn’t lessen the hurt you felt from their abandonment. If you’re open to reconciliation, consider having a conversation, but think carefully about whether you’re emotionally ready for that. It might be worth seeing a therapist first to help you navigate these emotions, especially after losing your uncle.

If you decide to reconnect, meeting in a neutral and comfortable setting is key. Maybe a coffee shop or a favorite park? For me, talking during walks tends to ease the pressure. A family therapist could facilitate conversations and help mend old wounds, but remember, if things feel overwhelming, it’s perfectly okay to step back again. This process is just for you, and you have every right to change your mind.

—Arionne

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