It’s about time we rethink a rather dull and basic question.
Unknowingly, you might be hindering potential connections by asking, “How are you?”
This common greeting not only lacks substance but communication experts suggest it could make interactions forgettable, much like Nat King Cole’s lyrics imply.
“For the love of all good and decent people, please stop asking ‘How are you?’ during a conversation,” said speech and communication coach Stuart Fedderson.
He argues that these three words are the most pointless in communication, as people asking often don’t genuinely care, and those responding rarely share the truth.
Fedderson describes the question as a “boring default” that, instead of serving as an opener, usually leads to a missed opportunity for deeper discussions. It’s like a friendly facade that often results in predictable, bland replies like “I’m fine,” which do little to foster real conversation.
According to Fedderson, it’s crucial to ask open-ended questions to encourage genuine dialogue.
He suggests starting with “what” queries, such as, “What did you enjoy most about your day?” These types of questions naturally prompt storytelling, and, well, people generally love to talk about themselves.
“It effortlessly creates a conversation,” Fedderson noted.
For shaping memorable interactions, especially in casual settings, experts recommend using the ACT method for your questions:
- A. You are reliable.
- C. You have a connection.
- T. There’s a topic that links you to the other person.
Such guidelines are particularly useful in workplace environments. A recent survey indicated that 74% of individuals find small talk with colleagues challenging.
Yet, it’s evident that face-to-face communication can positively influence moods and well-being. In fact, 38% reported feeling more relaxed, joyful, and confident after engaging in a pleasant conversation.
Fedderson also cited a 2019 Harvard University study, which analyzed over 300 conversations. It found that people who received more meaningful follow-up questions were seen as more likable and charismatic.
The insights from this study hold true for dating, too.
Research from the State University of New York at Stony Brook supports the idea that asking deeper questions fosters stronger connections among participants.
