Relationship Concerns and Trust Issues
Dear Abby: My husband and I have been married for 15 years. He’s a veteran dealing with PTSD, and since we got married, he’s been verbally abusive and controlling. I’ve always worked hard to support our family, juggling two jobs at times. We have a 14-year-old son together.
Recently, my husband’s sister purchased a house, and I helped choose some essentials for it. While checking his phone for the address, I found some recent messages where he expressed that living with me was unbearable and that he didn’t care about me. Shockingly, he also asked his sister if he could move in with her, and she agreed. He mentioned he would find a “solution” to our situation.
This revelation has devastated me. I’ve always been there for him, and now this? Part of me thinks I should feel secure, but honestly, it hurts so much. — Shocked in Texas
Dear Shocked: This situation is understandably “very hurtful” since you weren’t aware that he was planning to leave. It’s crucial you don’t waste any time. Consider scheduling a meeting with an attorney to protect yourself in case of any financial fallout. It’s important to know what assets you have together and to get advice from your lawyer. I’m rooting for you.
Dear Abby: I’m a single mother with two children, ages 9 and 10, and I’m facing a tough time. I have pulmonary arterial hypertension, a serious heart and lung condition that slowly deteriorates. Though I’m classified as disabled, recent advancements in medication have significantly improved my health compared to when my children were younger.
My mother helps me clean my apartment every week, which I’m grateful for, especially as I often rely on her support. She has a key to my home for emergencies. However, during a recent visit while I was out of town, she took some things from my apartment without my permission. When I confronted her, she played with my emotions and denied any wrongdoing, despite having been caught multiple times. Am I wrong to feel angry about this? — Violated in Oregon
Dear Violated: It’s completely natural to feel your trust has been breached—because it has. It’s frustrating that your mother is gaslighting you. If you can, consider finding alternative help for housekeeping, perhaps by reaching out to your state’s Department of Social Services along with your doctor about programs that might assist you. If that’s not an option, given your mother’s behavior, you might want to securely lock away any valuables you wish to protect.
