Dear Abby: Family Dynamics and Relationship Struggles
Dear Abby: My daughter-in-law “Louise” lost her battle with cancer five years ago at the age of 45. My son “Pete,” who is now 48, was married to her for 15 years, but they didn’t have any children together.
Fast forward to three years ago when Pete met “Shelly” through a mutual friend. There was an undeniable connection between them. Within a year, they moved in together and seemed genuinely content. Shelly has two adult children and three grandchildren, and I’ve met her mother a few times too; she seems lovely.
What troubles me, though, is feeling excluded from Pete’s new “family.” They are active on social media, sharing photos, and I notice them often. Meanwhile, I’m spending time with my kids and great-grandchildren—it’s all good. But I can’t help wanting to be included once in a while.
Last weekend, I saw a post of their “relaxing brunch with the whole family.” I was taken aback to realize they were at a café literally across the street from my apartment, and I wasn’t invited. I hesitate to voice my feelings because I fear being seen as a petty or insecure older woman, but it honestly felt a bit rude.
I’ve made an effort to stay laid-back and not become that nagging relative always pointing fingers or voicing complaints. Is there a way to address how I feel without coming across as self-pitying? — Treated Poorly in Illinois
Dear Treated Poorly: It sounds like your son’s partner is taking the lead in planning their activities. I suggest having a conversation with Pete. Maybe ask if you’ve unintentionally made Shelly uncomfortable, which could explain the lack of invitations. Instead of waiting to be invited, consider extending an invitation to them yourself. And don’t forget to include Shelly’s mother in those plans.
Dear Abby: I’m dating a man who struggles with alcoholism. While I love him, the situation is complex. I’m alone—I have no family support. My mother is 96, and I don’t want to add to her worries. His family seems to deny his issues, and all I have is a disability certificate, which doesn’t provide much help. At 63, finding part-time work has proven difficult. When my husband drinks, he tends to leave, expecting me to apologize for things that aren’t my fault. I feel trapped. What should I do? — Prisoner of Texas
Dear Prisoner: Look for a local Al-Anon meeting (al-anon.org/info) in your area. It’s a support group related to Alcoholics Anonymous, and there are many meetings available for you to attend. They’re free, which is a plus. Once you find one, listen to others and share your own experiences. You may think you’re in this alone, but you’ll likely find a community facing similar challenges.
