Dear Abby: I’ve been married for half a century, and I recently started recalling that my husband was unfaithful to me with several other women. He confessed to one affair, claiming he met her just twice and that they only had sex once. He insists I’m imagining the other two. He hasn’t apologized for the confirmed affair and won’t discuss the others, but I can’t shake the images from my mind and the feelings in my gut.
Right now, I’m angrier at his dishonesty than at what happened years ago. Is it wrong to feel this way? I want to address my feelings and eventually find a way to forgive him. I also want to sincerely apologize. — heart disease in Texas
Dear Heartsick: Feeling angry is completely valid. You don’t necessarily need the “truth” since you already have an inkling of it. What you’re really seeking is an apology, but, sadly, it seems that’s not forthcoming. Consider speaking with a marriage and family therapist. It might help you work through your feelings and take steps to move forward.
Dear Abby: Two of my mother’s closest friends ended their almost 50-year friendship due to differing political views. I grew up spending holidays with them and even enjoyed summer and winter vacations together. One was my godmother, and both women were like second mothers to me. Is it truly that easy to dismiss a relationship built over decades? Should my mom just accept this change or attempt to mend their friendship? — sad son of California
Dear Son: It’s unfortunate, but deep political divides can often shatter long-standing friendships, sometimes beyond repair. When someone is so committed to their political stance that they’d end a 50-year bond, it’s hard to see reconciliation in the future. Instead of focusing on the past, perhaps encourage your mom to cultivate friendships that are less contentious.
Dear Abby: As a 75-year-old therapist and effectively a single parent, I still grapple with feelings of guilt over not being able to fully support my three adult children. Their father has been largely absent since our divorce 35 years ago.
How can I shake off the feeling of being disrespected by my unappreciative adult children? And how do I stop expecting them to fill the void left by their dad? I doubt their attitudes are going to change at this stage. — struggle in New Jersey
To all those struggling: Thank you for reaching out. It’s common knowledge that love can’t be bought. As a psychotherapist, you likely recognize that even therapists need their own support. If you’re feeling overwhelmed by issues out of your control, it might be time to seek help through counseling.
