Understanding Heartbreak: Insights from Dr. Yoram Yovell

Valentine’s Day is traditionally centered on love, yet for many, it can serve as a poignant reminder of relationships that have ended.

Heartbreak almost seems to be a universal experience. In fact, research indicates that over 80% of people have faced romantic heartbreak at some point. But, it’s not just romantic relationships that can cause pain; friendships can fade, and losing a loved one can hit just as hard.

Interestingly, the effects of heartbreak can go beyond emotional distress. Many describe it as feeling winded, having knots in their stomach, or struggling with sleep.

Dr. Yoram Yovell, a psychiatrist and neuroscientist, shared with Dr. Sanjay Gupta that when asked about the most painful experiences in life, most people recall heartache over physical injuries. In his words, losing a loved one often takes precedence over other traumas.

As an associate professor at Hadassah Ein Kerem Medical Center, Yovell’s interest in emotional pain is deeply personal. He lost his father to cancer when he was just 14, a memory that still evokes strong feelings. “The pain was immense, like a heavy weight pressing down on me,” he recalls, a sensation that lingers even now.

While heartbreak can feel overwhelming, Yovell emphasizes that it doesn’t have to be permanent. The instinct to withdraw, which many feel during such times, often hinders healing. Instead, reconnecting with others is beneficial.

He further notes that if a friend is hurting, persistence is key. “Being there for loved ones in distress can release endorphins, which naturally alleviate pain and uplift mood,” he stated. So, reaching out, even when met with resistance, is crucial. “We need to show up for them,” he stressed.

Eventually, Yovell encourages his patients to embrace love once more, emphasizing the heart’s resilience—“It may ache, but it can heal, and there are still those who care.”

So, what actually happens in our bodies during heartbreak? Here are some of Dr. Yovell’s insights.

Does Love Always Hurt?

His answer? Yes, it typically does. “Love is beautiful, but it inevitably comes with pain. If it doesn’t sometimes hurt, it might not be genuine love,” he asserts.

He describes mental pain as a “superglue,” developed through evolution to help maintain our essential connections with loved ones. This pain acts as a reminder of what we stand to lose, reinforcing our bonds.

Despite the hurt, Yovell believes that mental pain has worth. “It tells you who truly matters to you,” he says, suggesting that this anguish serves a purpose.

Physically, that painful sensation in our chest during heartbreak is very real. Research has shown that the brain’s pathways for physical and emotional pain are closely linked. Many regions that light up during emotional distress mirror those responding to physical injuries.

In rare instances, heartbreak can even lead to “broken heart syndrome,” a condition that mimics a heart attack. This highlights just how serious emotional distress can be.

The brain responds to loss, triggering feelings of sadness and anxiety. This emotional wiring ensures we remain connected to one another and encourages us to mend fractured relationships.

Interestingly, early attachments can influence how we process love and loss later in life. Yovell points out that patterns formed in infancy can set the stage for how we handle heartbreak as adults.

Good news, however—your brain can naturally alleviate emotional pain through endorphins, often called “nature’s opioids,” which help manage distress and can make a noticeable difference in healing.

Engaging with friends and family isn’t merely a distraction; these interactions help release endorphins that contribute to recovery. Physical activity can also stimulate these feel-good chemicals, providing a much-needed boost during tough times.

Interestingly, some treatments for emotional pain overlap with those for physical ailments. Over-the-counter pain relievers might reduce mild emotional discomfort, suggesting a link between suffering of different kinds.

For those experiencing more severe emotional distress, medications impacting the brain’s pain pathways can be beneficial, though they are not a long-term fix. Through his research, Yovell has explored the benefits of low doses of synthetic opioids in treating acute mental pain, which can offer relief when extreme distress occurs.

However, Yovell stresses the importance of recognizing the role of mental anguish. “Acute mental pain can be insightful,” he notes, serving as a beacon of what truly matters to us. Yet, if such pain persists and leads to deeper despair, it should be addressed with care and professional support.

Heartbreak is, without a doubt, painful, but understanding its effects on our bodies and how to navigate through it can foster healing and resilience.