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Dear Care and Feeding,
Easter is approaching in about a month, but my husband, who we’ll call “Jack,” and I are already at odds over a gift idea for our 6-year-old daughter, “Alina.”
Alina adores ducklings, and Jack thinks it would be delightful to surprise her with one for Easter. However, after just ten minutes of research online, I’m convinced that this could turn into a disaster with regard to the care a duckling would need. Jack, on the other hand, seems to dismiss my concerns completely. My biggest worry is that he’ll go ahead and buy Alina a duckling, and then I’ll be the one who has to say it needs to be returned. How can I prevent this from happening?
—Duckling Drama
Dear Duckling Drama,
The core issue seems to be that your husband isn’t taking your concerns seriously. Since he’s not the one reaching out, you might need to speak to him about your worries that he might make choices regarding Alina without considering your feelings, especially since you’ve voiced your apprehensions. It’s important to share your reasoning, yes, but also to indicate that it’s not just about the duck. It’s really about aligning as co-parents.
You might be able to find common ground by suggesting waiting a year to see if she still likes ducklings then, or even proposing that he take full responsibility for caring for it—assuming you trust him to stick to that. But honestly, if he ignores your feelings now, resentment might grow rather than lessen. So before getting into the specifics about the potential duckling situation, it could help to confront the underlying issue.
—Arionne
More Advice From Slate
My daughter underwent life-saving stomach surgery when she was just 22 hours old, and spent three weeks in the NICU. Because of this, she’s more susceptible to lung infections and stomach issues like reflux. So, we co-slept after bringing her home. Then, just three months later, her dad left us, which was incredibly traumatic. This made transitioning her into a crib during infancy really challenging. Along with being able to watch over her health while lying next to her, co-sleeping brought me comfort. Now that she’s 5 ½ years old, I’m unsure whether I should be concerned about her still sleeping with me.
