Monthly Reader Responses

Each month, columnists Jessica Stoya and Rich Juzwiak reach out to their audience for feedback on the letters they’ve received. Jessica addresses readers’ thoughts and suggestions in this segment.

Hey How to Do It,

Regarding The IUD Poke: The sensation is real. My wife has had an IUD for years, and occasionally I feel it too. She also used a NuvaRing; I could sense it, but it wasn’t painful—in fact, it was somewhat pleasurable. It sometimes got twisted and came out, but that was no big deal—we’d just reinsert it. We even had a bit of fun with it when that happened.

—The IUD Poke Is Real

Thanks for sharing your experience with the IUD issue, especially about the NuvaRing. I really wish you’d elaborated on how inserting or repositioning the Nuva can become a playful game, but I’m enjoying picturing it anyway.

Hey How to Do It,

In response to Delulu in Honolulu: The writer might find it helpful to explore “maladaptive daydreaming,” a topic that’s gaining traction with both literature and online support groups. I’ve grappled with similar challenges—my own daydreams vary between sexual and non-sexual—but I generally manage them well enough, most of the time.

Yet, occasionally, I get sucked into a deeply immersive daydream episode, just like the letter writer described. It’s like I’m avoiding real-life responsibilities to escape to my fantasy world. I’ve noticed it often arises from feelings of loneliness or anxiety, which might be worth discussing with a therapist, though I haven’t tried that myself.

—Could Help!

Disconnecting while operating large machinery, as Delulu in Honolulu mentioned regarding driving, poses a risk of serious harm—not just to the writer but also to others, which is something that should be considered more seriously than, say, zoning out during a conversation. I’m glad you highlighted the language they can use to find more resources. Hopefully, it helps Honodelulu access tools to manage their thoughts better.

Hey How to Do It,

In reference to Trying to Be a Size Queen for Him: For the writer attempting to please Zack, if girth is the concern, using a smaller dildo before actual penetration might be a good way to warm up. Given that it usually takes around 30 minutes, adding a toy after an orgasm could cut that down to about 10-15 minutes. Plus, it can be quite thrilling to have a partner use a toy on you—it’s a tease before the real deal. If the cervix is a problem and OhNut isn’t helping, experimenting with sex pillows and different angles might really help.

—Tricks for a Size Queen

Absolutely, toys are commonly used to help relax muscles.

Hey How to Do It,

Regarding Slip ‘N Slide: At 71, I’ve always believed that the issue of an overly wet partner can be managed by keeping cotton handkerchiefs handy by the bed for quick clean-up. Every partner I’ve mentioned this to appreciated the tip. Just order a new pack when needed—tissues tend to fall apart if you try to use them for this.

—Always Carry a Clean Hankie

Cotton handkerchiefs are certainly a suitable choice for wiping excess moisture. Tissues can work too, in my experience. However, I do worry that yours might be tearing because you may be scrubbing—vulvas are delicate and shouldn’t be subject to scrubbing with any material.

Hey How to Do It,

In response to Going Down and Getting the Sickness: The man experiencing nasal discomfort while performing oral sex might be having a runny nose connected to his arousal. My wife has had this happen at certain levels of excitement for years. I thought I could present this in a medical context, but it seems it’s been documented already.

—Fascinating

The linked research paper and article from VeryWell Health both explore various possibilities for what the writer may be facing, mentioning “honeymoon rhinitis,” which seems quite relevant. Our bodies are fascinating, and honestly, I’m sure even those resources don’t cover everything.

Regarding that connection between arousal and runny noses, the writer noted he engages in sex two to three times a month and performs oral about once monthly. The nasal symptoms appear linked to oral sex rather than other sexual activities. I’d be curious if he experiences higher arousal while giving oral than during other forms of sex. And, perhaps there’s some nose-related dynamics between how he provides and how his wife receives. Those factors could both play a role.

—Jessica

More Advice From Slate

I’m a 33-year-old man. I came to terms with my bisexuality after starting a relationship with my current wife (also 33) seven years ago. We had a brief hiatus due to unrelated issues early on, but it limited my ability to explore my new sexuality. I only hooked up with one guy during that time, and honestly, it wasn’t great.