Dear Abby Letters
Dear Abby: My husband, Al, and I are retired and living on our farm with our wonderful son and daughter-in-law. Al is really the best person I’ve ever known. He treats me with respect, and everyone around him—friends, family—holds him in high regard. It’s not just because he’s my husband; he’s a truly exceptional person. Our son, Trent, and his wife admire him deeply.
So here’s my issue: people, especially kids, reach out to Al for advice or answers. It’s always “Call your father!” No one ever asks me. The children care for me, but Al has this sort of “magic” that draws everyone in. Honestly, I sometimes get anxious thinking about how he walks by me as if I don’t matter as much. I fear that, if something happened, people would resent me for being here instead of him. It’s not about feeling sorry for myself; I genuinely wish to feel valued and wise. Can you help me figure out how to avoid feeling insignificant just because I don’t shine like my husband? — Overlooking, South Carolina
Dear Overlooked: In your marriage, it seems Al naturally takes the spotlight, much like many famous figures or politicians. It takes a unique person to support someone like him, and it sounds like you do that well.
It’s unfortunate that you don’t see your own worth. You’re successfully raising your son and have a solid relationship with your daughter-in-law. It might be beneficial to have an open conversation with Al and your son about how you’re feeling. They may not realize the extent of your sadness.
As for your concern about outliving your husband, the reality is that many women tend to live longer than their partners. No one will resent you for that. You are not insignificant or unworthy; you simply seem to undervalue yourself.
Dear Abby: I have some really good friends who are married to partners who don’t treat them well—there are issues with money, infidelity, and even abuse. I keep hearing about their struggles, but I’m not sure how to support them anymore. It’s hard seeing them suffer when I feel so powerless to help.
Although my friends are just sharing their frustrations and aren’t asking for advice, the constant updates on their issues weigh heavily on me. I’ve muted their messages and respond less frequently, but it still hurts to know what they’re going through. How can I cope with this and maintain my own sanity? — Texas Listener
Dear Listener: To navigate this situation while preserving your sanity, be honest with your friends. Let them know you’re concerned about their marital challenges but that you’re not equipped to resolve them (which is true). Encourage them to seek professional help from a marriage counselor or support group. This might alleviate some of your stress and theirs, too.
