Dear Abby: A Father’s Dilemma

I have a daughter living in another state who has struggled with confidence since she was a child. Her first marriage ended due to her husband’s infidelity. Her second husband, while controlling, seems to provide her with some stability, which she appreciates. During my visits, I find him to be rude and condescending, but I try to respect her decisions.

Over the two decades, his behavior has become increasingly controlling, and it’s made me reluctant to visit. I miss her, yet I suspect she’s aware of how he acts and isn’t inclined to change it. Our phone conversations only occur when he’s around and on speaker, which feels limiting.

Now, I’m faced with a tough choice regarding my inheritance for her. I worry that if I leave her a significant amount of money, he will end up managing it. I don’t want my daughter to think I’m punishing her because of his actions, but it feels unjust to reward him for his disrespect. — Torn Father of California

Dear Dad:

It may be wise to consult with a financial advisor about this. You don’t have to reward his behavior. A potential solution could be to establish a trust for your daughter, allowing her to receive a fixed sum monthly. After her passing, the remainder of your estate can go to a charity or cause of your liking.

Dear Abby: Navigating New Love

I was in a relationship with “John” for two years. After our breakup, he had nowhere else to go and ended up living with me for an additional six months. John has severed ties with everyone, including his family, and he struggles with alcohol abuse, displaying emotional and verbal issues.

Now, I’m in love with his younger brother “Jerry.” We’ve known each other for ages and discussed that, had circumstances been different, we might have married. The concern is that Jerry’s mother would disapprove of our relationship. He’s mentioned that if they find out, he’ll likely end it, as she’s against it.

We’re both nearing 50 and have been keeping our relationship under wraps, telling the world we’re just friends. Jerry seems unfazed by what John has to say. Both of us feel this connection is unique. How do I approach telling our friends, family, and especially his parents? — Found in the South

Dear discoverer:

You and Jerry are both approaching 50, and it may be best not to announce your relationship just yet. Jerry needs to find the courage to tell his mother about his feelings and his intention to marry you. If he’s not prepared to do that, the relationship could dwindle over time. Honestly, I think it might be beneficial for you to step back and reflect, instead of writing to me about it in a year or longer. You deserve a relationship that treats you well.

Dear Abby was created by Abigail Van Buren, otherwise known as Jeanne Phillips, and was originally founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. For more information, contact: http://www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.