Dear Abby:
My ex-boyfriend, “Rei,” struggles with alcoholism. He has been to rehab twice, yet nothing seems to change. He keeps insisting that we’ll figure things out together.
I just don’t get why Rei won’t accept that I no longer want to be in a relationship with him. I’ve given him two chances already. His family doesn’t seem to support him, either.
He’s somewhat manipulative, still reaching out and telling me what to do, much like when we were together. Honestly, I don’t want that kind of influence in my life anymore. I just hope that one day I’ll meet the right person. Do you have any suggestions? — Secession in Alabama
Dear Secession:
The best thing you can do is block Rei’s number and ignore any future messages. If he has a key to your place, change the locks. The next time he tries to contact you—preferably while sober—make it clear that there’s nothing left to salvage in your relationship. If he continues to reach out and it feels like stalking, don’t hesitate to report it to the authorities and consider getting a restraining order. Make sure to take steps to protect yourself.
Dear Abby:
My sister “Fiora” lives several states away with her daughter and her family, and she’s insisting that we throw her a big party for her 80th birthday. We’re hoping to have it at a nice resort, but it’s not anywhere near where we live.
None of us are wealthy, but a few of us manage our money well and enjoy a decent retirement. In contrast, Fiora has spent her last savings and is facing health issues, so she relies on her daughter. We think it would be better for her to discuss her lavish party idea with her kids instead of placing that financial burden on us. Is that being unreasonable? — Party in Missouri
Dear Party:
Putting etiquette aside, it’s unreasonable for Fiora to expect her siblings to cover lavish birthday costs she can’t afford. You should express that you’d be open to contributing, perhaps splitting costs for a smaller celebration. Ultimately, it’s her decision on how to celebrate, and her adult children might want to chip in as well.
Dear Abby:
Has anyone ever asked women how they feel about the expectation that men have to plan their “sex lives” around Viagra and similar medications? It seems like it turns sex into just a routine act instead of something emotional and intimate. Personally, I’d rather skip it entirely than have to schedule it. I wonder just how satisfying it really is for women. — Phyllis of Indiana
Dear Phyllis:
As you may know, there’s much more to intimacy than just medication. The experience should be mutual and not feel like a performance. Sharing an intimate moment with someone you genuinely care about can be fulfilling, but I think satisfaction really depends on the individuals involved.
