Dear Abby:

Recently, my favorite aunt passed away. Her daughter, who is my favorite cousin, has been receiving daily encouraging emails from me. However, when my doctor notified me that my aunt’s time was short, I stopped reaching out, thinking my family needed space.

Thirteen days later, I received an email containing a picture of my aunt’s grave. In our follow-up texts and calls, it became clear that my cousin’s brother was taking charge of everything. Questions I had about the service and burial went unanswered, which left me feeling regretful. Typically, our family has been the go-to contact for major decisions.

I’ve done a lot of reading on forgiveness—knowing when to forgive and when not to. That’s the route I’ve taken. My cousin seems to act as if nothing is wrong between us, yet she has asked me twice whether we should cease our communication, noting my lack of response. I’ve replied each time, “It’s your call.”

I’d really like to find some closure on this issue. In my younger years, I would have been quick to forgive and likely would have even apologized for her “pain” to ease my own. But I don’t think like that anymore. So, should I forgive? Forget? Move on? — Embarrassed in Florida

Dear Confused Friends:

What happened isn’t your cousin’s fault; it’s rooted in her grandfather’s actions. Don’t let this impact your previously loving relationship with her. I urge you to forgive and move ahead, while setting aside any passive-aggressive feelings. When someone is mourning—even when the loss was anticipated—they’re often distracted and not mindful of how their actions affect others.

Dear Abby:

I have a 42-year-old son named Wade who battles anxiety, depression, and has a quick temper. He receives minimal disability support, which is below the poverty line. Whenever he claims he’s hungry or out of food, my husband and I, both retired, help him out.

Wade often blames the system for his financial issues and seems to fantasize about making a living in the music industry. I’m really getting worn out by this. As a retired teacher, how can I help him become more independent? He insists that our family is “broken” and lacks teamwork. Meanwhile, I’ve got my own expenses to manage. — Over him in Texas

Dear Him:

If Wade views “working as a team” as receiving money at his whim, then that’s not how it works. If he were truly meant to succeed in the music biz, he’d have already started carving out that path well before he turned 30.

Encourage Wade to seek ways to supplement his disability benefits so he doesn’t run out of food each month. Let him know you won’t be giving him any more financial support. Your family isn’t broken—the only thing truly broken is your son.