Actress Christina Applegate Reflects on Her 1990s Abortion in Memoir

Christina Applegate, known for her role in the sitcom Married… with Children, has opened up in her memoir about her decision to terminate a pregnancy in 1991. In the book, Applegate expresses that she views the experience as “murder,” referring to it as “killing my child.” The memoir also explores her struggles with grief surrounding this choice, alongside her traumatic childhood, including experiences of abuse, and her ongoing battle with multiple sclerosis.

During the audio version of her memoir, Applegate revealed she discovered she was pregnant in April 1991 and shared entries from a diary she maintained while navigating that period.

She reflected on her initial feelings, saying, “Yes, I found out yesterday that I am six and a half weeks pregnant… I love this thing… I used to think it was fine to abort if the timing was wrong. ‘Oh, I don’t care. It’s not even a baby yet.’ But that’s not true. This being is amazing and made me feel whole,” she wrote.

Despite her feelings of love, Applegate described her experience as tainted by the emotional and physical abuse from her child’s father. Just days later, her diary took a darker tone.

She penned, “I’m pregnant, and I’m going to kill my child on Thursday. I’m thinking, ‘Where can I go to recover from murder?’ If his family knew I had killed their grandkid, they would despise me. But I can’t have this baby. I have work commitments, and I just can’t handle it right now.”

Applegate noted how painful it is to revisit the diary’s contents, stating, “On June 9th, I wrote a poem, convinced my child was a girl. I have no actual proof of that, but it feels true to me.” She proceeded to read a poem dedicated to her unborn child.

Hello little thing. I feel you every moment of the day. Such a small existence. You have such an immeasurable effect. You are a miracle—a miracle of small hands. I love you, but you know your destiny. It’s not your time. I know you didn’t make that decision, but now is not the time. Yet you will continue to live. You will live another life. I want you to forgive me, but I want you to know how you’ve changed me. You’ve opened my eyes. You are teaching me that there is something more important than myself. But mom can’t be with you right now. Know that she loves you more than any other miracle. And when your time comes, it will be your time.

Applegate further reflected on how these past experiences might shape her future, saying, “Perhaps because I’ve spent so much time in bed thinking about my health, I realized just how much these dark moments from my childhood influence my present.” Those moments include not only her abortion but also childhood abuse and an unhealthy relationship.

She also read another excerpt from her diary, predicting that her feelings of guilt would lead to future health issues. “That word ‘I’m sorry’… It’s the worst. I can’t feel guilty. Guilt isn’t an emotion; it’s a disease. It’s a destructive, life-altering condition that can ultimately be fatal. It starts in the mind and then spreads, shutting down both mind and body,” she shared.

Applegate concluded with the awareness of a dangerous turmoil within her soul, something she feared could someday overwhelm her.