Understanding “Grandma Brain” Through Science

So, my son-in-law introduced me to a friend of his the other day, saying, “This is Kate. She’s quite interesting and a good conversationalist… unless Anne is around. Then, good luck.”

Anne happens to be my toddler granddaughter, and I admit, he’s not wrong. When I’m with her, I’m completely captivated. It’s like something magical happens—I’m just in awe.

This phenomenon, though, is more than just love, even if there’s ample of that. It’s been dubbed “Grandma Brain.” While not an official term, there’s actually science behind it. Research has found that our brains undergo a fascinating transformation upon seeing our grandchildren, which may shed light on the deep affection we feel for them.

Dr. James Rilling, a professor at Emory University, studied the brain activity of 50 grandmothers as they viewed pictures of their grandkids (the study didn’t include grandfathers). What he observed was significant brain activity in areas linked to emotional empathy, hinting that grandmothers are especially sensitive to their grandchildren’s emotions.

“What stands out is the activation in brain regions tied to emotional empathy,” Rilling explains. “When their grandchild is happy, they share that joy; when the child is upset, they feel that pain too.”

Janet Meisel, a retired teacher with three grandsons, wrote an essay on Medium that illustrates this heightened emotional responsiveness. Titled “Are Grandparents Supposed To Feel This Much Love?” she describes moments when her heart feels like it could burst from joy or pain.

In her reflection on the contrast between being a mother and a grandmother, she says, “With my kids, I invested so much of myself, but this is different — it’s love on steroids.”

A particularly striking aspect of the research was that the brain responses of grandmothers didn’t indicate the same emotional activation when they looked at pictures of their own adult children. Instead, those images activated areas related to cognitive empathy, which is more about understanding emotions rather than experiencing them.

Nancy Claus, a grandmother from Connecticut, says, “It’s like melting. When Isabella looks into my eyes and then smiles, I just feel this overwhelming happiness wash over me.”

There’s a common joke among grandparents: if they’d known how wonderful it would be to be a grandparent, they probably would have skipped straight to it. Of course, this isn’t just about brain activity, but how the relationships work. Being a grandparent generally brings less responsibility, which, combined with the intense emotional connections, leads to a joyous experience.

Melanie Schaffran from New York shared, “Whether I’ve had a bad day or a great one, as soon as I see my grandkids, all that melts away. I’m just filled with joy, even if there’s chaos around.”

Contrast this with the often demanding life of parents, who deal with work, financial pressures, and the general stresses of raising children. Marti Gallardo, a Texas grandmother, reflected, “I can’t even remember what that was like. We were just so busy.” Now, she enjoys more relaxed moments with her grandchildren.

Dr. Rilling’s research from 2021 involved using MRI technology to analyze the brain responses of 50 grandmothers as they reacted to images of their grandchildren, ages three to twelve, and their adult children. He’s still analyzing the data and is now looking into saliva samples to see if grandmothers have higher levels of oxytocin, known as the “love hormone,” compared to other women their age. There’s also interest in investigating how grandparenting might impact brain aging and planning future studies on grandfathers.

Rilling describes the biology of grandparents as “unexplored territory.” Much of the research on aging brains focuses on diseases and degeneration, while his looks at healthy aging and its potential purpose. He believes he may be the first to study grandmothers’ neurological responses in this way.

Interestingly, other studies not focused on neurological aspects have linked active grandparenting to better health. AARP’s survey suggests that grandchildren could be seen as “the elixir of life.” Staying physically active, enhancing social connections, and improving mental well-being are just a few of the benefits.

The Berlin Aging Study, which monitored health outcomes for over 500 individuals aged 70 and older, found that grandparents who provided care for their grandchildren had lower mortality rates over a span of 20 years compared to those who did not.

Why have grandmother brains evolved this way? Rilling, drawing on his background in anthropology and psychology, speculates that strong bonds with grandchildren may encourage parents to have more children, thereby promoting species continuation. Helping out with one baby might lead families to have another.

And it might just explain another layer of that deep grandma love. There’s something about seeing aspects of one’s own mother reflected in their grandchild. “I see little bits of my mother in Olivia already,” Claus says of her 2-year-old granddaughter. “It’s like witnessing your lineage continue, which is incredibly fulfilling.”