Dear Abby: I’m in a same-sex marriage with a wonderful man, and we have been together for 12 years. However, throughout our time together, my husband has experienced religious trauma that hampers his desire and ability for intimacy. We’ve sought counseling, discussed our values about physical closeness, but, honestly, nothing has improved.
I do love him, but I can’t shake the frustration of my unmet needs. Additionally, the lack of acceptance from his family and others around us has made me overlook many issues in our marriage. But now, I’m starting to realize those problems are more significant than I thought.
Two years ago, I embarked on a degree to gain independence and pursue a career that excites me. Now that graduation is on the horizon, I’ve come to see just how misaligned our values and aspirations really are. Plus, I’ve met someone who aligns closer to what I envision for my life and who has shown interest in me.
I don’t want a new relationship to be the reason my marriage ends, but the feelings stirred up by all this have highlighted just how far apart my husband and I have drifted. I’m caught between staying in a marriage that, despite its flaws, has brought me some happiness and breaking free after all these years to find what might be best for me.
Is this merely a seven-year issue, or are these deeper concerns enough to warrant saying goodbye? I’m really going back and forth on this. — Idaho Crossroads
Dear Crossroads: You need to have a serious discussion with your husband about the various concerns you’ve raised in your letter: issues of sexual compatibility, family acceptance, your feelings about living in your current area, and the new connection you’ve made.
There are a lot of conflicts between you, but it’s crucial that you don’t end the marriage without first informing him of your unhappiness and the reasons behind it.
Dear Abby: In my workplace, colleagues are sharing reports that contain specific mentions of typos I made in previous projects. Their remarks have tarnished my reputation, and I feel this could have been easily addressed with a simple phone call. Am I wrong for feeling upset? — Injured in Massachusetts
Dear Injured: What your colleague did was counterproductive and unprofessional. I agree that this should have been handled privately. You have every right to feel upset and embarrassed, but remember, it was just one typo.
Spell check features are generally reliable, but they’re not flawless. Next time, consider having someone proofread your document before you send it out.
Dear Abby was created by Abigail Van Buren, known to many as Jeanne Phillips, and was originally established by her mother, Pauline Phillips. For more, reach out to Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440 (Los Angeles, CA 90069).
