Impact of Stressful Relationships on Health
After enduring years of a challenging marriage, Becca Scott found herself so drained that even standing became an effort. Following the school run, where she masked her fatigue with a smile, she would retreat to bed, lacking the energy for anything else. “I just remember the heart palpitations,” she recounts, recalling the heaviness in her legs, as if she had been running endlessly.
It’s common to discuss how toxic relationships affect our emotions, but the physical toll tends to go unmentioned. Scott was diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome, a condition she battled for 18 months—until she decided to leave her husband. Surprisingly, her symptoms vanished. “That really blew my mind,” she reflects. “I suddenly regained my strength. It was like a light bulb went off.”
Muriel Wallace-Scott, a nutritionist and functional medicine expert who often helps women facing chronic fatigue, explained, “When exposed to stress, we become trapped in a fight-or-flight response.” While ancient humans stayed vigilant against predators, today’s conflicts may arise in mundane situations, like arguments over household chores.
This constant state of alertness shifts our body’s focus. “Our priority becomes survival, not thriving,” she adds. During these stressful times, essential functions like hormone regulation and digestion take a back seat, as the body redirects energy to muscles for a quick escape.
Scott’s chronic fatigue initially followed a severe flu episode that led to lingering inflammation around her lungs. Wallace-Scott emphasized the close relationship between the immune and nervous systems. In a hyper-vigilant state, the immune system overreacts to minor threats, disrupting healthy responses and potentially leading to autoimmune disorders like Lupus or Crohn’s.
Scott developed Crohn’s as a child while growing up in a turbulent household, later adding Hashimoto’s disease to her health challenges. Both conditions, which can lead to fatigue, weight changes, and skin issues, worsened due to stress from her adult relationship.
High-stress situations also impact the adrenal glands, which produce hormones crucial for metabolism and blood pressure. Wallace-Scott explains that when adrenaline spikes, cortisol follows shortly after. Testing often reveals low cortisol responses in those with autoimmune conditions, who might need steroids during flare-ups due to resistance in their immune cells, akin to how diabetics respond to insulin.
“If someone feels persistently inflamed and fatigued, they may become more dependent on their partner,” Wallace-Scott states. The goal is to foster resilience and health, enabling individuals to contemplate life changes.
Scott reached her breaking point after years of disagreement over finances. In a showroom, her husband bought a new vehicle without consulting her, highlighting her feelings of insignificance. After years of being disregarded, something shifted in her. “We shared children and history,” she reflects, “and you start to think, ‘It is what it is,’ not knowing there could be something better.”
Pop culture often showcases those newly single as experiencing “post-breakup glow-ups.” However, it’s often not just a new look but rather the liberation from a life-draining situation affecting both neural and immune health.
This physical aspect is just one part of the equation. Strained relationships can lead to feelings of isolation and insecurity, which can also heighten cortisol levels, thus intertwining emotional and physical issues into a cycle of anxiety and depression.
In the UK, the number of women killed by men remains alarmingly consistent, with many victims being current or former partners. When asked if stress-induced illness could quietly influence such tragic outcomes, Wallace-Scott speculated it’s plausible, though not yet conclusively proven. Some studies indicate that single women often enjoy better health and longer lifespans than their married counterparts, although pinpointing the reasons is complex. “More research is needed,” she asserts.
We do know that those experiencing significant stress or trauma are notably more susceptible to autoimmune diseases. An increase in cortisol from ongoing stress can diminish immune function and heighten inflammation, leading to health issues. One study even indicated that problematic relationships could elevate the risk of death by a significant margin—comparable to smoking.
“Your home and relationships should be a sanctuary for recovery,” states Wallace-Scott. When people are unable to relax and recuperate, it takes a toll. Yet, once the burdensome weight is lifted, they can seize opportunities for a drastically different life.
Wallace-Scott observes many middle-aged women awakening to the realization that the way they are treated is inadequate. She is encouraged by this shift but wishes such clarity would come sooner. “We have one life, and it’s fleeting,” she concludes.
