Dear Abby: My girlfriend is the most beautiful, smartest, most caring and supportive person I know. We've been together for a year and a half. When we first met, we hung out together a few times. I told her how I felt about her and she said she was in an open relationship, so I backed off.
A few months later we met again. I helped her with a carpentry project and she told me she was done with an open relationship and that she wanted a monogamous relationship. I agreed. We have a caring and supportive relationship and that means the world to me.
Multiple ex-boyfriends call her and say they want to hang out, and she wants that too. What bothers me about her is that she's worried that her ex-lover's intentions aren't good, but she still bites into it and needs me to trust her. she said. When something like this happens, I suffer from her jealousy, anger, and mistrust, and I shared those feelings with her as well, but she can't allow these people to move on. She says I am controlling her by taking away her freedom and asking her to ignore me. This is the biggest problem in our relationship, but everything else is great. Are my feelings wrong? — Insecurity in New Hampshire
For those who are unsure: Your feelings aren't “wrong.” Your emotions are your emotions. Developing new relationships can sometimes involve sacrifices. Your girlfriend may have many good qualities, but if she can't understand that you feel these ex-lovers are a threat to your relationship, it's best to call her out. Instead of trying to “control” her, realize that she is not the woman for you. sorry!
Dear Abby: I developed several serious health conditions that were incurable. I am at high risk for respiratory illness. Even a common cold can seriously affect my life. My family doesn't understand it. My husband doesn't understand my situation or my needs. His social life puts me at risk, yet he continues to attend events such as large gatherings and concerts. I have been infected with the coronavirus twice, and it is important to avoid hospitalization. I'm currently on oxygen, and I plan to continue on oxygen until I die.
There are places you want to go and things you want to do while you can. But my husband is hesitant, especially when plans need to change. I can't do these things or travel without assistance. I need him now. Every time I say “not now” or “I'll figure it out someday,” I get more and more frustrated and depressed. what can i do? — Kansas Bucket List
For those on your bucket list: Realize that the person you married is a selfish and self-centered person. “Not now” and “I'll see” mean no. (What a man!) Just because he refuses doesn't mean you can't enjoy the activity you've been dreaming of. However, you may need to get creative and arrange for someone other than your husband to accompany you. He may not like it, but please consider it.
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440 (Los Angeles, CA 90069).
