Dear Abby: My husband and I have been together for almost 20 years. He used to be happy in our relationship, but over the past year or two he has changed. He doesn’t give me any physical affection and is constantly giving affection to the new dog. When I ask for more affection, he accuses me of being jealous of dogs. That’s not it! I also love dogs. I’m tired of asking for more from him and not getting it.
I felt hurt. Now I feel that maybe I should end my marriage. His lack of affection and compliments has made me cold towards him. What should I do? — yearn for human love
Dear Cravings: SeveralThings have changed. It sounds like your husband is using the dog to distance himself from you. If possible, try to get him to agree to a session with a licensed marriage and family therapist to discuss your problems. If he refuses, set up some promises for yourself so that you can rationally decide whether you want to stay in the marriage under these circumstances.
If the answer to that question turns out to be no, and you’ve been married for almost 20 years, gather as much information as possible about the assets you and your husband share and consult an attorney.
Dear Abby: I became a widow 10 years ago and have been dating my boyfriend (my late husband’s friend) for 9 years. we live together. Although he is legally married, he lives his life as if he were not married. I don’t want a commitment, but I feel that him being legally married is preventing us from moving forward with a real relationship. How do you feel about continuing this relationship? — new york complexity
For those of you who have mixed feelings: Your boyfriend (of 9 years!) may be separated, but he is legally married. You say you don’t want commitment, but you deserve a partner who isn’t attached to others. As soon as he realized that wasn’t in his strategy, he should have moved on.
Dear Abby: I understand that sometimes people need time and space. I have a friend who pushed our friendship aside for the second time, claiming he needed “time and space.” I haven’t heard from him for several months. The problem I have is that I don’t feel like he should have to decide when he can come back into my life at his convenience. I’m not the kind of hotel where he can check in and out whenever he feels like it.
If he ends up contacting me again like he did last time, will it be okay for me to be mad at him this time? I don’t want him to think I’m available at his convenience. — Traveling back and forth to Massachusetts
Dear Back and forth: Not only is it okay to express that you’re upset, but it’s also okay to tell the person that you’re not a yo-yo. cut the string. That way you can decide if you want him back and vice versa.
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440 (Los Angeles, CA 90069).
