Dear Abby: Three years ago, my 40-year-old daughter “Tanya” suddenly accused me of abusing her in her childhood. She also accused my husband, her father, of causing this abuse. Abby, the abuse never happened!
Did some therapist plant these thoughts in her head? Tanya has an alcohol problem (she blames it on me) and also has two wonderful people who she claims abused her. divorced from a man. Tanya is unable to maintain friendships with women because she immediately isolates them when they do something that offends Tanya.
Another daughter, “Nadia”, is three years younger. She doesn’t have an alcohol problem and has a wonderful husband and toddler. Tanya has also separated from her and has never met her brother-in-law or her nephew. Her childhood, Nadia says, was idyllic. Neither child lives near us.
My husband has incurable cancer, and Tanya knew about it before she excommunicated us. She doesn’t know whether to let her know when her father passes away or let her know through others on her Facebook. Her husband and I and Nadia don’t use her Facebook, but her relatives do, so I’m sure they’ll let us know.
I’m worried about this. Tanya has hurt us all so many times over the years that we all agree that her life is better without her. However, she is worried that if she doesn’t tell her, she’ll get into more trouble. advice? — Damn it both ways in Illinois.
dear son of a bitch: You said that Tanya “excommunicated” you, your father, and your sister. She appears to be an angry and bitter woman who needs to find someone other than herself to blame for her misfortune. Without her professional help or alcohol intervention, her symptoms are unlikely to improve.
If your husband dies, I would like you to write her a short letter explaining that you want her to know that her father loved her. Tell her the date of his death, her obituary, and the location of her final resting place. Then your conscience will be clear. Rather, it’s up to her to decide what to do with that information.
Dear Abby: I had a long and wonderful marriage until my husband passed away after a long illness three years ago. I have supportive friends who go out to lunch and coffee with me, but I miss the company of someone special. One of them is a man I have known for many years. He has been a widow for over 10 years. He has dated several women without any commitment, but he has always been a gentleman.
Before my husband passed away, he once told me that if I wasn’t married, he would have called me. He hasn’t contacted me. How can I contact him without seeming aggressive? He said he is happy with his current partner as there is “no drama”. How can an elegant woman call him (he does not use e-mail)? — california classy
dear classy: Consider the following: Throw a small party and invite some friends. Then pick up the phone and ask this gentleman. and His female friend wants to join you. As long as I know he’s involved with someone else, there’s no reason (for now) he can’t be friends.
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Dear Abby, contact: http://www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
