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Happy Tuesday everyone. Environmentalists are calling for it to be legalized to compost human corpses. After all, it’s okay to have them as president. That’s a terrible joke! In a recent post on X, Keith Olbermann expressed his hope that Donald Trump would be assassinated. However, if Trump wants to kill his career, he should hire Olbermann to represent him. where is he? Donald Trump’s lawyers say it’s impossible for him to pay the $460 million bail set by a state judge. This is New York, after all. If you want to be released without detention, just kill someone. New data from the FBI claims that crime rates in the United States are falling. While I’m stabbing you, let’s take a look at this graph. A Florida bartender is making headlines for slapping him in the face with a $30 Hurricane shot after one drink. I don’t know why you can buy an $8 shot and tell a girl she’s fat. A sexist would say! I deny that joke.
Organizers of the 2024 Paris Olympics have announced they will distribute 300,000 condoms to athletes. However, out of respect for French tradition, the ban on soap will continue. New York Governor Kathy Hochul announced that the state will be offering “I Love New York Glass” in preparation for the total solar eclipse on April 8th. Hochul said it’s important for residents to wear protective equipment to prevent this from happening to their eyes. terrible. An illegal immigrant from Lebanon caught at the border admitted he was a Hezbollah terrorist who had come here to make bombs. Joe Biden said, “No more complaining about things that aren’t made in America.”
Lizzo said she would like to be a supermodel, but not as a plus-size model, but as a model many times her size. CNN will begin rebroadcasting “Real Time” starring Bill Maher after negotiations with Bernie Miller break down. Finally, the role of James Bond could be played by British actor Aaron Taylor-Johnson if he so desires. He’s the perfect guy to play a secret agent because no one has ever heard of him. Still, some critics prefer to hire women, especially those with a real license to kill.
Here’s how Woke Banking decides on your loan
Okay, let’s do a monologue. Those were fun. So do people wake up because their brains are broken? Or is it their broken brains that are driving them crazy? A Finnish study found that people who express woke beliefs have much higher rates of anxiety and depression. According to the Scandinavian Journal of Psychology: And if anyone knows about moody bastards, it’s them. So what’s waking up? Well, we already know it’s inevitable. It’s like farting in Brian Stelter’s car. However, the study enumerates some core beliefs, so I’ll summarize them here. When white people earn more than black people, it’s always because of racism. But then again, what isn’t? And you better not blame our city’s public schools. Otherwise, you will be forced to deal with this problem.
Randi Weingarten photo
School reading lists should have fewer white people. No one wants to read The Lord of the Rings when it reads, “I’m me, not he or she.” Microaggressions must always be confronted. Indeed, I am reminded of this every time someone mistakenly assumes that I am only 5’7. Trans women who compete in women’s sports are actually supporting women’s rights. And female athletes can enjoy that right as soon as they wake up in the hospital. And we always have to talk about people’s skin color. more? That’s all they can talk about. Well, that and their cat synonyms. Members of a privileged group should never adopt cultural elements of a less privileged group. And that’s probably news to this guy and, well, this guy too.
Photo of Eminem and Jimmy Kimmel in blackface
The study authors said what surprised them most was the disparity between men and women. Three in five women think arousal is a good thing, compared to only one in seven men. Even if you are aware of the differences between women and men, this is quite a difference. Perhaps, as a society, we are letting women down by encouraging them to chase after the woke. sorry. I meant someone with a vagina, sorry. However, the difference is worth pondering. Arousal is embraced by far more women than men. But you know what else women embrace more than men? Self-harm. I mean, they love the Maroon Five. But what is awakening if not self-harm? Have you ever seen an Antifa photo? The destruction of the body reflects the turmoil of the mind, and now we see their beliefs put into action.
A man murders a woman and the woke people are furious at the name you use to refer to the murderer. It’s self-inflicted harm. Woke people literally root for men to beat women in women’s sports. It’s self-inflicted harm. Woke people defended child mutilation under the guise of gender health. It’s self-inflicted harm. You want to defund the police, abolish prisons, and allow criminals to walk. How can that not be self-harm? Well, it’s no longer self-inflicted when it harms the rest of us too. So does awakening make people miserable, or are miserable people drawn to awakening?
Red-faced Google apologizes after AI bot gave ‘terrible’ answers about pedophilia and Stalin
Perhaps it’s a two-way street. The San Francisco store was littered with meth pipes, hobo feces and unsold 49ers Super Bowl championship T-shirts. But it’s no surprise that mentally ill people flock to movements that justify their misery. In the short term, it’s easier to become a victim than to simply try and challenge feelings of hopelessness. But when you bring this to the Democratic Party, they make excuses for the woke. It’s not all of us, they say. And they’re right. But they take it personally. Perhaps this is because, like any other disease, when the disease runs in a family, it is a very sensitive topic. Everything that is supposed to make them happy drives them crazy. And they want others to be as miserable as they are. They hate success just like I hate children singing.
Still, I feel sorry for those who are woke. And like the boys in the pool I chloroformed, I hope they come to their senses one day. So what do you say to those who are awake? Now, this is what I said on “The Five.” Back in 1988, I was an unemployed white male living at home with my mother. I was miserable, but I still woke up every morning, sent out resumes, and applied for jobs. I ran long distances and went to the gym. I enrolled in classes, worked as many part-time jobs as I could, and continued to send out resumes when I wasn’t working. Probably 1000 total.
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After a long and grueling year, I was finally able to get a job across the country. I moved from sunny California to frigid Allentown, Pennsylvania in the winter for 22 grand a year, and then my life started moving. Now imagine if I were a black woman instead of a white man. What would you advise me to do if I were in the same situation, unemployed and with no prospects? Exactly the same thing. The same practices apply whether you think this is a racist society or not. I wish you the best. The only recourse is to do what works, because woke people offer no solutions other than outrage. I wish you the best. And understand that it’s not society that’s holding you back. That is you.
