Not long after Tom began dating a former colleague on and off, he began to feel uneasy about her behavior. Things got better, but it only made things worse.
Because of the lies and gaslighting, his ex-boyfriend would randomly show up wherever he hung out, and “it seemed like he would show up no matter where I went,” he said. “It was incredibly difficult to deal with. I felt cornered and didn’t know what to do.”
Wanting to appease her, he agrees to set boundaries and rekindle their relationship. “That was a terrible mistake,” said Tom (not his real name). One day, she tracked him down while he was traveling through London, chased him on the tube, and sexually assaulted him in a carriage. “It was the first time in his life that he had to run as fast as he could from someone because he was so scared,” he said.
She followed him to his apartment and tried to force her way into his apartment. Desperate, he told her he never wanted to see her again and that he hoped this would be the end.
That wasn’t the case. What followed was a frightening period in which women would appear at any of his locations for months, befriend his friends, and tell him he was a sex offender. “I thought it would stop eventually, but it never stopped and just got worse. I felt metaphorically cornered, no aspect of my life was out of her reach. It wasn’t there.”
He became depressed and tearful, saying he was “very sorry” that he had not been able to “correct” and ignore her behavior. Each time he was told to ignore her, “I fell further into despair.”
Tom’s harrowing story is also part of Netflix’s new drama Baby Reindeer, in which comedian Richard Gadd is stalked by a woman he befriends at a bar, and then becomes suspicious of her behavior. It is a loose fictionalization of an experience that becomes increasingly obsessive and frightening.
Although the series was a huge hit for the network, it was “really scary” for Tom to watch. Still, he was finally able to see the same thing as his own experience, which proved to be “pretty healing,” he said.
Stalking is a crime that disproportionately affects women, who are also more likely to be victims of violence. However, the number of male victims of stalking is higher than expected.by Crime Investigation in England and WalesOne in five (8.7%) women aged 16 and over said they had been stalked in the past year, and one in 11 (8.7%) men said they had been stalked. Experts say this number may be an underestimate, especially among men, because of the same stigma Tom pointed out.
However, the conviction rate remains pathetically low. new research by Susie Lamplugh Trust, which runs a national stalking helpline, found that only 1.7% of reported cases result in a conviction. It calls for police, prosecutors and health and social services to work more closely together to improve this rate.
The government promised this week new measures To facilitate applications for legal restrictions on stalking.On the other hand, labor I made a pledge Introduce a national stalking action plan and overhaul the police response.
It was only when Tom became completely desperate that he contacted a helpline and eventually went to the police. Most officers were sympathetic, he said, but he was disappointed that the investigation had not been conducted with any vigor. His stalker was arrested at one point, but he was never convicted.
He said he feels his gender played a role. Isn’t it just a man being stalked by a woman? ”
Victims Commissioner for England and Wales Helen Newlove told the Guardian that stalking is a “pervasive, deeply disturbing and dangerous crime with the potential to escalate dramatically”. Told.
She said the crime was still poorly understood and not treated with the seriousness it deserved by some institutions. “We must ensure that all victims, male or female, receive the protection, support and justice they need.”
