Over the past few years, there have been more than 120 million posts on TikTok about the unexpected rise of the self-imposed trend.
Some predicted a post-pandemic era of “sexual indulgence,” but readers from all walks of life and across generations found refreshing clarity on a more rigid approach to physical intimacy, far from doubling down on sex culture. He said he had found the truth.
Although some readers had embarked on sexual abstinence before COVID-19, commonalities remained. Whether readers decide to take a few months off or decide to stay for the rest of their lives, Singles offers a welcome perspective not only on their relationship with sex, but also on their relationship with themselves. All agreed that it was a positive experience.
“I didn’t have sex with anyone but myself for eight months.”
I’ve always been a people pleaser, and during sex this instinct led me to focus on my partner having a good time, like faking an orgasm. I still enjoyed sex and was never an unwilling partner, but I was ashamed of my deceitfulness. Of course I wanted to orgasm through sex, but until recently I’d only been able to orgasm through masturbation.
When my last relationship ended, I promised myself that I wouldn’t start another relationship or have sex with anyone until I had built up my confidence and self-esteem to the point where I valued my own pleasure just as much. of my partner. And it worked!
He didn’t have sex with anyone but me for about 8 months. When I returned to sex with my partner, I was able to be honest about what I wanted, and orgasming during sex became normal.
Being single has given me the space to work on myself and break out of patterns that don’t serve me. I’m really glad I was able to do that.
Anonymous, Australia
“It’s liberating to break free from old ideas about intimacy.”
I’ve been single for a few years now and I love this lifestyle. I’m in my mid-50s and have found peace of mind, financial stability, and a stress-free daily life through my own choices. Being solo (I don’t use the word “single”) is the best decision I’ve ever made.
After getting divorced at age 30 and having short-term relationships with men who were too immature, insecure, and self-centered, I knew I had to lose myself if I wanted the relationship to work, but I was alone in everything. I’ve come to realize that it’s better to live like that. level.
My sexual needs are addressed and enjoyed alone, and my spiritual life is expanded and cherished through long-term friendships and family. I highly recommend this lifestyle to women who are tired of meeting the demands of men.
It’s liberating to let go of old ideas about intimacy and relationships and choose to live life on your own terms of happiness. I plan on being single forever.
Anonymous, Australia
“Singledom brings absolute clarity of mind.”
My experience of celibacy was not so much a choice as it was a natural result of the rigorous Zen training I was undergoing at the time. I’m a 50-year-old ordained Zen monk. I am also married and have children. I went through his two periods of celibacy. The first time he spent six months in India before his asceticism. The second time was in a monastery and lasted a little over a year.
I’ve always been very sexual, and I still am, but I’m probably even more sexual now as a result of my experiences. But back then, celibacy was a natural progression from desire to quite literal desirelessness. In my opinion, true celibacy is the inability to even conceptually experience desire. From this place, one interacts with others not as objects of desire, but simply as human beings.
It’s incredible to realize how much of our daily life is spent on conscious and subconscious sexual considerations and perceptions, when sexual thoughts are absent. Singleness brings absolute clarity of mind.
My teacher’s teacher once said, “The closest most people get to enlightenment is orgasm.” I now practice Tantra, and as long as I continue to have sexual relationships, this bridges the gap between my sexual relationships and my spiritual needs. .
Venerable Taiki Zen Master, Sydney
“I was using sex and my appearance as a way to legitimize myself.”
Nearly 10 years ago, during a candid conversation with my best friend, some harsh truths were revealed. Putting my interests and safety first, she used sex and my appearance as a way to justify myself after years of being in a bad relationship and damaging her self-esteem. He told me he believed there was.
I decided to take a year off from sex and dating. The best part was that I was able to separate my essential self from my physical appearance and what other people thought of me.
After my single life ended, it was hard to go back to dating. It reminded me that there are a lot of bad people out there who don’t see or appreciate the effort you put in internally. Then I met my partner.
I’m glad I did the hard work then because by understanding who I was and not seeking approval through sex, I was able to build a stable relationship.
Anonymous, Australia
“Life is definitely less complicated.”
In a gay scene currently dominated by dating apps, sex is primarily a commodity used to get into bedhead. I was tired of the merry-go-round of having to have sex to meet someone.
I’ve been single for three years now, and life is definitely not complicated. It turns out you don’t have to use sex to fill a hole in your life. I got a dog two years ago and it’s great to come home and have a living dog in the house.
Ian, sydney
“I don’t miss my sexual urges during the fertile period.”
I have been fortunate throughout my life to be able to enjoy sex without any harmful physical or psychological interference that could affect my desire to continue sexual activity. But now, in my early 60s, I have been happily single for 20 years.
I’ve never worried about “standards”. At least for me, being sexually active or not is simply biologically determined. Just as I don’t miss my baby teeth, I also miss my sex drive during my fertile years.
As a child, I knew sex was something older people were into, but I had no interest in it until I hit sexual adolescence. After menopause, I seem to have come full circle to a state of freedom from desire, realizing that sex is just something that young people are interested in and that doesn’t appeal to me in any way. Ta. I no longer have any desire to masturbate and no longer have sex dreams. It’s just gone, but I don’t miss it at all.
I know many postmenopausal women are convinced or desire to keep their hormones at a certain level to maintain desire, but to me that’s backwards thinking. Being single still feels as natural to me as it did when I was a child.
Being single and living alone feels like freedom, and I feel like my life has always been guided to the point of not following anyone’s needs but my own.
Anonymous, Australia
Quotes have been edited for structure, clarity, and length.
