Dear Abby: I have been married to a wonderful man “Frank” for 25 years. We are very happy in all aspects except intimacy. Frank has lost all interest in intimacy and sex. It started about 2 years ago and I have tried everything to reignite our relationship. Frank’s sexual desire has disappeared!
About a year ago he told me that I should find someone to satisfy my sexual desires, a friend with benefits. At that time I said no, hoping that he would be interested again. Now, after a year of waiting, I’m seriously thinking about finding a “friend.”
Do you think I should see it through to the end or should I keep waiting in hopes that Frank will change?Do you have any advice on how to resume intimacy in our relationship? – Extinguished in Virginia
Dear Missing: You and your husband need to have another serious talk about this. You should also talk to your doctor and ask for a referral to a urologist or endocrinologist who may be able to help. Viagra is a very popular drug because erectile dysfunction occurs in men around the age of 50 and even younger. If your husband is willing to discuss this with a medical professional, that may be the solution to her husband’s (and yours) problem.
Dear Abby: I met a colleague about a year ago and we started dating. He had stayed clean and avoided alcohol for over 10 years. We got along very well, but then he started drinking again and his attitude changed. His mood fluctuates, he gets jealous, he starts pointing fingers.
When I drink alcohol, I feel sick, and the smell that seeps out of my pores makes me nauseous. He will find almost any reason to drink. When I try to talk to him about this, he says he didn’t do anything wrong and that he drinks because he wants to, which makes no sense. I’m tired of making excuses. Then he either begs for forgiveness or accuses me of not wanting him around.
I told him that he needed to work on himself and get back into the program, but he said all he could do was take it one day at a time. He is driving drunk and is a danger to himself and others. He is jealous of my ex and my grown children. He plays the role of the victim, and his answers to questions include, “I don’t remember,” “I didn’t do anything,” and “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I’m at a loss and can’t take it anymore. Help me. — toxic relationship
Dear Toxic: Draw a line. Remind his co-worker that he was on the wagon when you started dating him. Tell him that you don’t like his personality because drinking alcohol changes his personality. You need to learn about alcoholism, and an effective way to do that is to join Al-Anon and attend some meetings.
If you really can’t take it anymore, stop dating him. And if it causes problems at work, let your boss or supervisor know. Given the potential liability, employers won’t be excited about letting their employees drink.
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440 (Los Angeles, CA 90069).
