In today’s hyper-connected world, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed by the sheer volume of social connections and constant global events. We’re bombarded with notifications, news updates, and social media posts, and it can feel like we have to keep track of everyone and everything.
But we are wise to realize that our brains — and our hearts — are not designed for such vast, impersonal networks. Instead, we can live healthier, more meaningful lives by embracing exclusivity and a little selfishness. Let’s explore why focusing on fewer, deeper relationships and local issues could benefit us all.
Collecting friends is not healthy
Historically, humans have maintained a limited number of close friendships. Evolutionarily speaking, our ancestors formed tight-knit groups to survive, nurturing deep bonds with a select few rather than having superficial connections with many. This pattern generally holds true in modern life. As we grow and move through different stages of life, we naturally lose acquaintances and maintain a small core of friendships.
During school, we may form close friendships, but once we graduate, we tend to only keep in touch with a handful of those friends. The same thing happens with workplace relationships: we meet many colleagues, but only a few turn into true friends. For parents, especially mothers with young children, friendships often revolve around the shared experience of raising young children. As our children grow up, these connections that have outlived their role in a particular life stage can fade.
Our brains are not equipped to process and react to such an overwhelming amount of negative information.
Our brains aren’t built for huge numbers of relationships. But social media challenges this natural limit by encouraging us to “friend-collect.” Platforms like Facebook and Instagram make it easy to stay connected with almost everyone you’ve ever met. This is not healthy or normal. Our ancestors did not evolve to keep track of hundreds of individuals. Doing so can lead to superficial interactions, spikes in anxiety, and social fatigue.
This phenomenon is especially harmful to children. In the days before social media, a girl’s self-esteem could be determined by the opinions of a few close friends. Today, a negative comment from a complete stranger on Instagram can have a major impact on her self-esteem. The opinions of countless acquaintances and strangers permeate a girl’s world, creating an unhealthy environment where she seeks external approval from an unrealistically large audience.
Stress without a solution
The principle of exclusivity extends beyond personal relationships to the consumption of news and information.
In the past, people were primarily concerned with events that affected their families and communities. Big news stories in their state might get their attention, but global catastrophes or crimes that occurred in far-flung places weren’t something they considered on a daily basis. This limited scope allowed individuals to focus on issues they could actually address.
But today, we are bombarded with news from all corners of the world. We learn about crimes, disasters, and conflicts in real time, regardless of how close or relevant they are to our lives. This constant stream of bad news creates a constant state of stress and anxiety. Our brains are not equipped to process and react to such an overwhelming amount of negative information.
Knowing about all the tragic events happening around the world does us no favors. Instead, it makes us feel helpless and scared. We are unable to fight or flee from these faraway threats, and we feel paralyzed and hopeless. This chronic stress has a negative impact on our emotional, mental, and physical health.
The solution is to focus on local issues where we can make a tangible difference. Instead of getting lost in discussions about global issues like the “War on Poverty,” we should focus on actions that are within our reach. Helping a local family in need can have a big impact, providing immediate support and fostering a sense of community.
When faced with bad news, we should ask ourselves:Is there anything that can be done about this?“If the answer is no, it’s best to redirect your energy into efforts that will make a difference, no matter how small. Not only will this approach make better use of your time and resources, it will also help reduce unnecessary anxiety.”
Embracing a little exclusivity and selfishness is not only natural, it’s essential for peace of mind. Focusing on fewer, more meaningful relationships and addressing local issues can help us live more fulfilling lives. The urge to acquire friends through social media and the constant barrage of global news can overwhelm us, leading to superficial interactions and chronic stress. Instead, let’s prioritize deep, authentic connections and engage in local activities that deliver tangible results. In doing so, we will move closer to our evolutionary design and create healthier, happier lives.
