Dear Abby: I’m a male scientist at a large university. Four years ago I was surprised to receive an email from someone I’d been friends with many years ago, a postdoctoral researcher in our department. We were good friends at the time, but lost touch after he moved east and left his research. He now works in computer security. After he reconnected, we called and emailed regularly and resumed our friendship.
Two years ago, when I was visiting family on the East Coast, he invited me to spend the day with him and his wife (I had never met her). My family lives near his, so I accepted his invitation and we spent a wonderful day at their house.
Abby, I haven’t heard from him! I sent him several emails and even a postcard thanking him and his wife for being such gracious hosts, but I haven’t heard from him since. FYI, we are both Jewish, as is his wife. In the years before he reunited with me, he became Orthodox and is very strict, and I am not. Any ideas on what’s going on and if there’s anything I can do? — Confused in California
For those of you who are confused: Who knows what happened during this meeting with your old/new friend. I don’t think your lack of faith had anything to do with it. Perhaps his wife asked him not to have any further contact. He never explained why he was withdrawing, so you may never know. But as things stand, I don’t think there’s anything you can do. If you hear from him in a few years, feel free to ask him.
Dear Abby: I have been in this relationship for almost 5 years and I believe “nothing stays the same except change”. My partner likes caviar for his money like tuna. He likes expensive things but can’t afford to keep it up. They take from others to pay Paulo, shop with high interest credit cards and constantly complain that they don’t have any extra money. They are currently looking for another job to earn more money to spend.
I live on a fixed income. I try to cut down on my spending but we end up arguing about not having enough money to do certain things. My partner has mastered the art of spending other people’s money, including mine, which I find selfish. Do you have any advice on how to solve these money problems? About money
For all you money people: When it comes to money, you and your partner have very different values. They’re not going to change. This is one of the most frequent topics that cause couples to break up. (Other topics include politics, sex, religion, and parenting.) My suggestion: End the relationship before this person bankrupts you.
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