Dear Abby: I have a 4 year old daughter who spends her time at her grandmother’s house where she works on arts and crafts projects. When my mother in law drops her off at her house, she brings the project over to our house. We enjoy looking at it for a few days and my daughter plays with it for a few days.
And it will be added to her other toys. I would like to return it to my mother in law but would it be rude to send it? It is a really cute piece and I don’t want to throw it away but we have too much stuff at home.
The same dilemma arises with birthday and Christmas presents: my daughter gets nice presents but doesn’t want to keep them at home, so I ask my mother-in-law to leave some at home for my daughter when she comes to visit. I think she resents the request.
Should I keep the projects and gifts and eventually throw them away or donate them? Or should I be honest and ask for alternatives? I don’t think honesty is welcomed in society anymore. Any thoughts would be appreciated. — Honestly, I don’t know.
For those of you who are unsure: If Grandma wants to keep the toys and crafts in her house, she is not going to let her daughter take them home. I think you need to “tell the truth.” The trigger should be something like this: “Ethel, we would like you to keep our little angel’s toys in your house so that she can enjoy them while she comes to visit. These toys are piling up in our house and we have no more space to put them. Can you help us?”
Then keep your mouth shut and see how your mother-in-law reacts. If she’s not supportive or receptive, throw the item out ASAP and hope it doesn’t increase in value as your budding artist grows.
Dear Abby: I am trying to figure out what to do about my friend (“Corinne”) who I’ve known since high school and who was a bridesmaid in my wedding. Seven years ago, my husband was diagnosed with tongue cancer and had to undergo 16 hours of surgery, chemotherapy, and radiation. I called Corinne to tell her about my husband’s cancer and his surgery at a hospital three hours away from our home. She seemed concerned and worried about me, but has never called or texted me since. She just looked the other way and offered no support while I was going through this huge ordeal.
Now another girlfriend from high school is inviting me to lunch with her and Corinne. Should I meet up? Or should I write Corinne off as a friend? It’s still hard after all these years. — Injured in Wisconsin
To those injured: Before you “cut her off” for disappointing her when she needed you, go to lunch with a mutual friend and ask her why she disappeared. She may be embarrassed, but it’s a legitimate question. Corinne’s absence could be due to fear of cancer and its treatment. That fear can be so strong that after receiving a diagnosis, she is afraid to undergo treatment herself. (Many years ago, I lost a wonderful friend because I treated her liver cancer with “homeopathy.”)
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren (aka Jeanne Phillips) and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or write to PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
