Dear Abby: My sister has spent most of my life bullying and controlling me. She has said a lot of very mean things to me. I have distanced myself from her and sought peace. So I have blocked her from texting and calling.
The problem I have is that my sister keeps sending my in-laws text messages, pictures, and gifts. I feel this is inappropriate. She is married and needs to nurture her relationship with her in-laws. I feel she does this to stay in my life and also to show them she is a good person.
I know she is an adult and can have a relationship with whoever she wants but I feel like she is overstepping her boundaries. I can’t breathe or live without her. My husband’s family are my in-laws, not hers. Are my feelings unreasonable? — Suffocation in Pennsylvania
To those of you who are about to choke: In-laws can have relationships with anyone they want, especially if it pleases them, and you have no control over who sends them texts, pictures, and gifts. You may feel like your sister has no place in their lives, but unless they consent, you’re out of luck.
Of course your feelings are your feelings and you are entitled to them from what you wrote about how your sister has behaved towards you in the past, but it would be counterproductive to allow your sister to take up any more of your head space in your head.
See a therapist if you need to and stop obsessing over her – she’s not the problem. How you continue to react to her.
Dear Abby: Growing up, my best friend was a woman. We had a strong, platonic friendship for many years. Our primary means of communication was through letters. We exchanged hundreds of letters and emails until we grew apart during our college years.
We recently met for the first time in 10 years and quickly got back to talking like we used to. I look forward to writing to my letter buddies again, but since we are both married, I want to be respectful of the spouses involved.
Is there a right way to send constant letters and emails like in the old days? The letters are polite and cover a variety of topics that interest me. — Caution in California
Attention all prudent people: Letter writing is a rapidly disappearing art, which is a pity. I hope you will preserve the letters that you and your friends exchanged, as they are priceless mementos that reflect the activities and opinions you both shared growing up.
As long as your spouse knows about it and doesn’t object, I don’t see anything wrong with continuing a letter exchange. More people should be inspired to do what you do. Friends (before I met “Abby”) told me they kept my letters and enjoyed rereading them.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren (aka Jeanne Phillips) and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or write to PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
