Other users said the Reddit user who got into an argument with her roommate over food wasn’t at fault, and that her roommate wasn’t either.
But the therapist told Fox News Digital that the confrontation could have been handled more gently.
“Would it be stupid to tell my roommate that I won’t cook her favorite food because I don’t cook for her?” user “Haunting-Athlete-951” asked in a recent post on the “Am I the A–hole” subreddit.
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In the post, Haunting-Athlete-951 wrote that he, a 21-year-old man, and his 20-year-old female girlfriend, “E,” live with a 31-year-old female roommate, “A.”
“We all contribute equally to a monthly ‘house food’ budget,” he wrote. “We can have our own meals… as long as we communicate so that no one eats anyone else’s food.”
A Reddit user (not pictured) asked for advice after getting into an argument with her roommate over cooking. (iStock, Tiffany Hagler-Geard/Bloomberg via Getty Images)
Haunting-Athlete-951 wrote that “house food” consists of things like pasta and other staples.
“Couple [of] “A few weeks ago I made homemade spaghetti for myself and E. It was just noodles and generic canned sauce, nothing special,” he said.
The roommate had stayed late at work and when he saw the dirty pots he said he was sad there was nothing left for him.
“She tried not to show it to me, but I could tell she wasn’t happy.”
“I asked if I could save some the next time I made spaghetti, but I didn’t get a clear answer. But I could tell they wanted me to save it, so I decided to do that the next time I made spaghetti and went ahead.”
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A few days later, Haunting-Athlete-951 made some pork chops and gave them to A to eat when he got home from work.
“She agreed, but when she went to put the food in the microwave she noticed the smell and grimaced. She tried not to let me see but it was clear she was not happy,” he said.
One Reddit user said she was upset because her roommate criticized the way she cooked spaghetti. (iStock)
“She took the food back to her room and ate it, which is not unusual for her, but I don’t know if she finished it.”
He said that since these two incidents, Mr. A’s attitude towards Ghost Athlete 951 had become strange.
“When we’re in the kitchen together and I’m cooking, she’s always peering over my shoulder and trying to give advice on how to season the food. And, honestly, sometimes it’s good advice,” he said, noting that he doesn’t mind suggestions that help him improve.
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“But she always gave me an attitude if I didn’t do something. [the way] It’s what she wanted and what she liked,” he said.
“Until yesterday, it was always subtle and unspoken.”
“She always had an attitude towards me if I didn’t do something. [the way] Something she wanted or liked.”
Recently, Haunting-Athlete-951 made spaghetti again, but kept the noodles and sauce separate so “everyone could choose how much sauce they wanted.”
He said, “A said she had seen me make spaghetti before, but this time I made it ‘white style’. I think it’s important to point out that she is also white. She told me to mix the sauce and I told her that’s not the way to do it.”
The Reddit user said his roommate asked him to teach him how to make pasta in a different way. (iStock)
He continued, “She said she prefers it pre-mixed. Maybe I’ve gone too far here.”
He added, “I told her I don’t care how she eats it because I’m not cooking for her,” Haunting-Athlete-951 said. “When I cook, I only think about mine and her preferences because I’m cooking for us, not her. If she doesn’t like it, she has her own food to make and nothing is stopping her from eating it.”
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This caused A to “get angry” and walk away, Haunting-Athlete-951 wrote.
“Later, E said that I sounded a little angry. I wasn’t angry, I was just stating a fact, but was there a way to say it more gently? I don’t know,” he said.
Haunting-Athlete-951 updated his post, revealing that he had had a long discussion with his roommate and cleared up the misunderstanding.
The Reddit user (not pictured) said that he told his roommate that he doesn’t cater to her tastes, and if she wants something cooked a certain way, she can just make it herself. (iStock)
“To summarise what I said, I appreciate her helping out in the kitchen every now and then but because she has more experience than I do I don’t understand why she gets hung up on little things like whether or not to mix the sauce when she can just mix it on her own plate. I was mindful of my tone and choice of words this time around and I think that helped,” she wrote.
Meanwhile, Mr A “apologised with a long sigh” and said he was “in a pretty bad mood” after a long day of work and “ended up taking it out on me.”
“There is always a better way to communicate than being rude or aggressive.”
A therapist told Fox News Digital that the man’s reaction was “human” and typical of someone who feels unappreciated.
“Of course, there are always better ways to communicate than being rude or aggressive,” Rachel Goldberg, a Los Angeles-based therapist, told Fox News Digital in an email.
The therapist told Fox News Digital that the two roommates should sit down and clear up the misunderstanding. (iStock)
“It’s a good time to sit down and talk things through,” Goldberg said.
“This isn’t a big issue unless Person A is upset about something else and is taking it out on the food, in which case she needs to communicate that.”
Reddit users seem divided on who, if anyone, is at fault in this personal situation.
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In the AITA subreddit, you can reply to a post and indicate that the poster is an “NTA” (“Not an A–hole”), a “YTA” (“I’m an A–hole”), a “NAH” (“There are no A–holes here”) or an “ESH” (“Everyone here sucks”).
Users can “upvote” answers they find helpful and “downvote” answers they find unhelpful.
The post was eventually tagged “NAH,” meaning no one is wrong, but many of the 900-plus Reddit users who replied to the post voted Haunting-Athlete-951 “NTA,” meaning everyone is wrong.
“It’s okay to think about your roommate from time to time, but don’t feel obligated to listen to her every time. Her comments and stalking can be handled calmly, with an emphasis on mutual respect and communication.” (iStock)
“Man, you all seem to be operating under some kind of gibberish system,” Reddit user “East_Hospital_2775” wrote in the most upvoted comment.
“Like, if I contributed financially to a meal you were making, I’d want to eat it too, lol. I think you guys should keep your ‘everything’ separate and stop being so dramatic.”
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Another user disagreed.
“NTA, it’s only fair that you cook for yourself and your girlfriend while taking your preferences into consideration,” wrote Reddit user “GlitteryGrace19.”
“It’s okay to think about your roommate from time to time, but don’t feel obligated to listen to her every time. Her comments and stalking can be handled calmly, with an emphasis on mutual respect and communication.”
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“ESH, this setup is just stupid. I’d be annoyed too if someone cooked the food I bought poorly, lol,” said another user.
Fox News Digital has reached out to the original Reddit poster for additional updates.
