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I crave sex with my husband – but his porn addiction gets in the way | Life and style

I am 77 years old and my sex drive is as strong as ever. I am still working. Stay healthy and Make it look stylish. I have a strong sex drive and enjoyed the sexual freedom of the 70s and 80s. I met and married my husband in my early 40s. Soon after, His business declined And he lost interest In an intimate relationship, So Sex was always a struggle because he never asked me.. I Turns out, he was addicted to porn before he met me.Over the next 10 years, we tried everything to repair our sexual relationship. Nothing changed. He swore off it. Watching pornbut I think he It wasn’t. By this time we had been married for 30 years. he He is a kind and loving man. I love him and he loves me. He is currently away from porn. He is still not sexually interested in me. I have given up on waiting and we have sex every other month or so. My friends are fed up with me not breaking up with him but he Just diagnosed Health condition. I I am with him and I don’t understand why we can’t have a real intimate relationship.

I am intrigued by your expression “when you give up waiting.” I think you mean that in most cases you wait for your husband to initiate but he responds when you initiate. If you only make love when you initiate sexual conversation, I wonder why you don’t initiate more often, or when you actually want to have sex. I know that for many women, it is disappointing when their partner never initiates. They crave the validation of being wanted and are resistant to taking the lead. But there is nothing wrong with being sexually dominant. He may need your help getting him turned on, especially if he has a certain medical condition. In general, as men get older, they tend to need direct genital stimulation to get aroused, and his favorite porn alone won’t get him excited enough to be ready for intercourse. Try not to take it personally and don’t be afraid to assert yourself to get your needs met.

  • If you’d like Pamela to give you advice on any sexual issue, send a brief description of your concerns to private.lives@theguardian.com (please do not send attachments). Every week Pamela will choose one issue to answer and publish it online. Unfortunately no personal correspondence is possible. Submissions are subject to our terms and conditions.

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