Dear Abby: After a few years of escalating arguments, I told my dad that I was tired of fighting with him and that I needed family counseling. He became extremely angry and not only refused to talk about counseling, he cut off all contact with me.
He called my siblings and told them I was disowned, then changed his will. This was clearly an overreaction, but it may be a generational thing. I think when I said he needed to see a therapist, he heard me calling him (or us?) mentally ill. He found that unacceptable.
It seems like my relationship with my father is beyond repair, he tells all of our extended family that I was the one who cut him off and that I was the one who started it. I told him I needed to get counseling before he would visit me again so I guess that’s true to some extent, but the way he talks about it makes me seem like the bad guy and my aunts and cousins have stopped inviting me to family events. No one answers their calls or replies to their emails.
I have a good job and live alone, so I don’t need my parents’ support, but I miss them and I hate that they think badly of me. I’m in counseling myself, but what else can I do? Missing in Massachusetts
To anyone who is missing: There is little you can do beyond what you have already tried: send another mass email detailing what happened to your father, tell him you love him, miss him, and are sorry that your suggestion that you and he seek family counseling alienated him (and it did), and then move on with your life and gather a “chosen family” of friends who will support you through the good and the bad.
Dear Abby: I’m a retired nurse living on a limited income. Shortly after I retired, I used most of my retirement money to pay off the mortgage on my house, get a new roof that was needed, buy a car, and various necessities to ensure I could at least live on my Social Security benefits.
For the past seven years, my daughter has lived with me, and in that short time, she has gone from having one child to three. She has been unable to continue working due to various mental and health issues, and I have happily helped co-parent the children.
I pay the bills, run errands, and provide transportation for our family, but she does most of the grocery shopping. Some of the arguments we end up having are about food – overeating, waste, etc. I allow her to live here and already pay most of the bills, so is it wrong for me to have a say in the menu or shopping list? She is very possessive about her shopping choices. Stick to Oklahoma food
Dear Mr. Fasching: You are a loving, caring, and generous mother, and I assume you pay for the food your daughter buys, so your preferences should take precedence when it comes to what’s on the menu.
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren (aka Jean Phillips) and published by her mother, Pauline Phillips. To contact Dear Abby, please contact us at http://www.DearAbby.com or write to PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
