Dear Abby: I have been in a relationship for 11 years. We are not married or living together. We are both 57 years old. The relationship has not been going well for the last few years. He is controlling at times but then he is nice to me. Lately he has been telling us he “just wants us to have fun.” The problem is that he is having fun with his 27 year old son and his son’s friends and not letting me in at all. And then he asks me what I want to do.
He’s not interested in some of the “date” activities I suggest. He complains that he has more fun things to do with his kids and that I have no idea what to do. All he wants is to have sex with me. I want to do the fun things I suggest to him. He says he loves me and wants me to be a part of his life. I feel like I’m just a convenience to him. Please help! — Discontent in Pennsylvania
To dissatisfied customers: If there’s something you want to do, do it with someone who is willing to do it. As you do, ask yourself if this is the kind of relationship you want forever. I can’t say whether your boyfriend is bored or having a midlife crisis, but if you feel like he only values you for sex, it might be time to break up.
Dear Abby: My husband, “Silas,” and I have been married for 30 years. He is a deacon and a Sunday School teacher at our church (his brother is a pastor). While he continued to teach Sunday School, Silas had been having an affair with another woman at his workplace for two years.
I am suffering because of this. I will never trust him again, nor do I trust him in my faith. After I found out about his actions, I immediately resigned from my position as church secretary. With the chaos that was going to ensue, I could not continue in my position. I left him.
Six months later we got back together, mostly because I was taking responsibility for everything I had worked for in my life. I have not returned to the church because he did not step down from his leadership position and the church did not force him to do so. Silas also lied to the entire congregation from the pulpit and told them I had had an affair with two other women. How could he do this in front of a congregation I have attended for 30 years? He is still not genuine in his faith or his love for me.
I have withdrawn all my 401(k) and paid off all my debts including the house so I have no money to start over. How do I get out of this situation now with no money? My husband didn’t even give me $300 a week to cover living expenses and pay bills for the 6 months I was away. If I leave I will have nothing left. All I want is to be loved and happy. Please advise. — Feeling worthless in Louisiana
To those of you who feel unworthy: Please sympathize with this tragic situation. Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline for help in escaping the financial bind your husband has put you in. The toll free number is 800-799-7233. Many other women have done this and have been successful. You can too.
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren (aka Jean Phillips) and launched by her mother, Pauline Phillips. To contact Dear Abby, please contact us at http://www.DearAbby.com or write to PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
