dear abby: My niece is getting married. I received a wedding invitation and RSVP, but it was only addressed to my two 11-year-old identical twin daughters. My husband and I were not invited to the wedding or the reception. There has been no communication regarding how childcare services will be provided at both events.
Confused, I texted my niece to talk to her about the potential for disharmony in our relationship and to let her know that I wanted to resolve things that might be bothering her about me and things I had done. I told you. She responded via email that her wedding was “intimate” and that she was inviting only close people who play an active role in her life. She hopes I can respect her decision and allow her daughters to attend. Granted, we're not very close, but where we've had differences in the past, I've taken the initiative to communicate, apologize, provide solutions and reassurance, and move forward.
My niece often asks her mother (my sister) if I can spend time with her daughters. And when I agree to come with my daughters, she tells her mother to say, “You are not invited, only girls.” ” I know something is wrong but she refused to talk and only texted. You can't have these conversations over text.
I respect all of my niece's decisions, but I feel like she's making passive-aggressive statements about how she feels about me. My daughters do not want to go and are hurt by the poor treatment I have received. More importantly, how can I foster a closer relationship between her and my daughters if she has a history of not respecting me and how she wants my daughters to be taken care of? Or? — except in California
dear excluded:I think your niece is trying to use your daughters as pawns against you. I don't think you should send them to a family celebration that you are excluded from, especially considering the fact that they don't want to go. I also don't think you should encourage them to have a close relationship with someone who appears to be manipulative, like your niece. If she has a bone to pick with you, you should do it in person so you can sort it out. Until then, don't play her games. Because this is what it is.
dear abby: Four years ago, I separated from my long-term husband due to his infidelity. I returned to my hometown and am working on improving myself and building a happier life. I'm not interested in him anymore, but I find myself still procrastinating on actually filing for divorce. How can I motivate myself to complete this important step? — Ready to File in Michigan
Dear Ready: It's still under development. When you're ready to move on to a happier life, perhaps you've met someone and want to build a lasting relationship, you'll want to break that last bond. In the meantime, talk to your attorney about the potential risks (including financial risks) of remaining legally married to your husband.
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Dear Abby, contact: http://www.DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
