Dear Abby: I've been dating my boyfriend for a year and a half. We broke up for a while, but we got back together, things went well, and we got engaged six months ago.
Last week we had a big fight and all my pent up anger came out. I've tried communicating my needs, but even if he changes temporarily, things always go back to the same.
We were supposed to get married in 9 months at his parents' house, but after the fight he thought it was over and told all our problems to his parents. Now they are asking us to postpone the wedding, saying we are unstable.
Until then, there were no problems with his parents. they loved me I'm furious that he ran to them instead of working things out with me. I feel like he caused us a lot of damage by being abusive to my parents.
I've been asking him for couples counseling for months, but he always says no–until now. I don't know if I want to marry him anymore.
I feel like both his parents and him have crossed the line. What should I do? — held in California
Dear Holding: I'm glad this happened. your relationship with your fiancé teeth “It's unstable.”
It turns out that when things get difficult, he will run to his parents instead of trying to work it out with you.
If this is a deal breaker and you no longer want to be married to him, tell him it's over.
However, if you think counseling could help the two of you communicate better, take him up on his offer and ask for a referral to a qualified professional who can provide premarital counseling.
This is an investment that can pay off in many ways.
Dear Abby: My best friend “Janine” complained to me about her daughter's terrible way of speaking and always bringing up things from the past.
Janine asked her daughter to forgive her for causing her grief in her childhood. She has apologized hundreds of times, but her daughter won't take it back.
Janine's counselor told her daughter to stop treating her disrespectfully, so she has been away without contact.
Now my daughter contacted me saying she really wanted to have a relationship with her, but I had to agree not to because I knew she wasn't going to change and neither was her mother.
Janine discovered religion many years ago and changed. I told her that she needs to set boundaries for herself and not let anyone cross them.
She doesn't really know how to deal with the situation and feels guilty about everything. What do you think about this? — Wounded Friend from Virginia
Dear friend: I hesitate to give an opinion because I don't know how abusive your friend Janine was to her daughter when she was young.
But I think it would be in everyone's best interest if Janine accepted her daughter's olive branch. On the condition that I schedule some sessions with Janine's counselor for mediation.
This may lead to more enlightening, less painful, and healthier communication for both parties.
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440 (Los Angeles, CA 90069).
